Page 65 of Coup De Grâce
I frowned, not understanding what that meant. But by the sighs and grumbles around the room, I was the only one. “Okay, for someone who doesn’t speak Fox, what does that mean?”
“It means he’s going after Jud.”
21
CASH
“Did anyone follow you?”
I tossed my stuff down on the table, walking over to the bar to pour myself a drink. The last thing I wanted was to discuss anything from my life. Particularly, the family I’d just left behind.
“Cash—”
“No,” I snapped, getting more pissed by the second. “They all thoroughly hate me. Is that what you want to hear?”
My old man stared at me with those watchful eyes that knew way too much. Even when Rafe and I were kids, it was like he could always read my mind and know exactly what was going on in my head.
Maybe that’s why he bonded so easily with Rafe. There were no questions. He always knew Rafe would follow him.
“Look, I know this is hard. Trust me, I’ve been there.”
I let out a humorless laugh, pouring myself another drink. “That’s fucking hilarious.”
“You don’t think it was difficult to walk away from you?”
“I think you were way too fucking good at it,” I snapped. “First with Knight. Then with us. You just kept making new families wherever it suited you.”
“My job?—”
I spun around, throwing the glass against the wall. It smashed to pieces on the floor, and for the first time, my old man was left speechless. “Your job? Your fucking job?” I shouted. “Don’t ever fucking talk to me about your job. It’s because of the line of work you went into that Rafe and I ended up in this fucking mess!”
“There’s no way I could have known what would happen,” he argued.
“Right,” I nodded. “Because chasing bad guys always ends well. Ruling the world, collecting all that power…it’s addictive, and you just couldn’t stop. You had to be the top dog. You had to keep pushing until you had it all. And where did that get you? Your daughter kidnapped by a fucking psychopath. Your son chasing her down and getting himself killed in the process…Yeah, you could never have seen that one coming.”
“And what about you?” he snarled. “For someone who claims to hate everything about me, you certainly did a good job following in my footsteps.”
I rushed him, grabbing him by the collar as I shoved him up against the wall. “I am nothing like you! I protect people. I don’t fucking manipulate them to get my way.”
Except, I had. That’s precisely what I had done, and what had that gotten me?
“I didn’t use to be like you,” I said quietly, taking a step back as I released him. “I used to be proud of my time in the military, of how I served. Now…I wish I had never fucking held a gun. Because then I wouldn’t be in this position.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he snarled. “You think it would be different if you weren’t trained? Tell me, how the hell would you have protected your wife when you first met her if you didn’t have that security company?”
His barb hit the mark, making me instantly regret my words.
“You wouldn’t even fucking know her!” he shouted. “Everything in your life that’s so fucking good is because of the man you are. I may have fucked up a lot, but never have I once regretted a thing because I have you and Isabelle and Knight and—” He choked on Rafe’s name, unable to say it.
Not that I could blame him. I fucking hated saying his name, too. I hated looking in the mirror. I hated seeing the identical mark on my ear. Hell, I hated the fucking memory of him because that was something that would never leave me.
Sighing, I slumped in the chair and twirled the amber liquid in the glass, staring at it as I thought of the last few months. I had achieved my goal. I had successfully pushed everyone away. And that was where my legacy ended in their eyes. They would all hate me and remember me only for the way our relationships ended.
“I’m so fucking tired,” I admitted. “I hate lying to my wife. I hate knowing that I’m ruining things for my kids.”
“I know.” Pulling out a chair, he sat across from me, looking just as tired as I felt. “But you have to remember that you’re doing this for them. They might not understand it now, but one day?—”
“Yeah, one day,” I scoffed. “When my life has passed me by and I’ve missed out on all those moments with them. Will it all be worth it?”
