Page 131 of Coup De Grâce
Pulling back, tears shimmered in her eyes as she tried to keep it together. “I’m really going to miss him.”
“Me too.”
“He was my first friend,” she sniffled. “That crazy, show-tune singing psychopath was the only one to believe in me when I first came here. And now he’s gone.”
I brushed a tear from her face, wishing I could change it all. But I couldn’t. Nothing could fix what had been broken.
So, I held her tight and let her cry, hiding my own tears as I buried my face against her shoulder, crying for the friend I’d lost and my own family who had suffered the same fate.
Too much had been lost, but Fox wouldn’t want us focusing on the fact that he was gone. He would want us to eat shawarma and Funyuns, and celebrate his life. So, that’s what we were going to do.
“God, I’m crying all over you,” she mumbled, brushing away the tears. “Go, get cleaned up, and I’ll be downstairs waiting for you.”
I kissed her again and waited until she left to swing my legs over the edge of the bed. But the moment I did, the weight of it all came crashing down on me.
He was gone, and I was going to have to find a way to push through the day and remember everything he had done for me. Blood or not, he would always be my brother.
39
LIBBY
I stoodat the grave of my dead husband, wishing I felt a connection to him in some way. But his body was gone. I didn’t feel his spirit, or whatever it was that was supposed to linger and bring comfort to those you loved. All I saw was a slab of concrete and his name scrawled across it with foreign words of love.
Did I ever really know the man buried here?
Was it all a joke?
Did he ever really love me?
I was tired of being constantly plagued with these unanswered questions.
Sighing, I tucked my hands into my pockets, wishing I could find the words I needed to say to my husband.
“I wasn’t going to come here, you know. You’re a fucking bastard for what you did to me.” I scoffed, taking my eyes off the headstone. It was stupid to say these things to him. It wasn’t like he was actually here or could hear me. But that didn’t stop the words from flowing from my lips.
“You should have fucking told me,” I snapped. “It was supposed to be us until the end. I was the one person you knew you could count on, and instead of trusting me, you left me all alone.
“You didn’t even bother to tell me you were on a suicide mission! How could you be so fucking selfish?”
I sucked in a deep breath, trying and failing to gain control over my anger. Tears slipped down my face, but it wasn’t from sadness. No, I was fucking pissed, and the longer I stayed here, the worse it got. I just wanted to dig him up and show him what it was like to be in such overwhelming agony.
But that wasn’t possible.
In the distance, I saw everyone gathering for Fox’s burial. Johnny stood against a tree, his eyes focused on me. He tipped his hat at me, telling me to come over, but I couldn’t. This life was over. It was time for a fresh start, and that wouldn’t happen with any of them still in my life.
I took a step back, glancing at Jack and Jason. It tore my heart out to leave them. They had been a part of me for so long, but I just couldn’t stomach to see them happy. Rafe had nearly destroyed all of us. But while they were all married and had kids, I was left alone.
No, there was no room in my life for any of them.
Johnny took a step toward me, but before I could change my mind and run to him, I turned on my heel and walked away.
Away from this life.
Away from the only friends I had.
I left and didn’t look back.
40
