Page 75 of A Duke Reformed
Emma hesitated, biting her lower lip. "I don't know..." she admitted. "I want to believe that he cares for me, but I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to make a fool of myself."
"You know," Lavinia whispered. "You know, Emma. Do you think he might love you?"
Emma drew in a sharp breath and nodded. "I think he might feel something...strong for me. He hinted at it the other day at his dinner party."
"Do you think he doesn't know that you love him?" Alice asked too. "You can guess how he feels about you. Do you think that he cannot guess too?"
"He probably can," she answered in a quaking voice as the tears started to form. "I have done a terrible job at hiding it. I fear he already knows."
The last few days had been excruciatingly suffocating. She was tired... tired of the uncertainty, the silence, the constant ache in her heart. The walls of her room had felt more like a prison, and she had spent far too many hours pacing, alone with her thoughts, or staring out the window, wishing for the world to stop moving so she could catch her breath. She hadn't eaten properly in days. Her appetite was lost to the swirling mess of confusion that had taken up residence inside her. Tears had come more frequently than she cared to admit, but each time they fell, they left her feeling emptier, more uncertain.
She was tired of pretending. Tired of living in a limbo, caught between the past and the future... between what she wanted and what she was too afraid to pursue. She had listened to her own voice for so long, tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing by holding back, but it wasn't working anymore. Nothing was working.
"You think I should just face it?" Emma asked nervously, rubbing her hands on her legs in a back and forth motion. "I should just... tell him what is in my heart, regardless of the consequences?"
"We think you should face it, yes," Alice said, nodding.
"Emma you are already hurting," Lavinia added.
"I'll think about it," Emma said in response. She needed time to process everything that had happened and to understand the true depth of what she felt and what she wanted. She also had to open her heart to the possibility of talking to Solomon about her feelings and seeing if she was all right with the idea.
"But I am grateful," she added. "I'm grateful that you both care so much."
Alice and Lavinia hugged her on either side, and they all stayed quiet in the moment. Deep down, Emma knew that she couldn't keep doing this. Something had to change else she was going to be stuck in that cycle for too long.
"Ah, that reminds me." Lavinia's tone shifted slightly. "Before I return home, I'll be hosting a small dinner party at my residence," she announced, her smile growing wider as she looked between Emma and Alice. "I insist you both come. Especially you, Emma."
"A dinner party?" Emma echoed.
"Yes, indeed," Lavinia replied, her eyes twinkling. "It's been far too long since we had a proper evening together. Also, I thought it would be a good chance to unwind and catch up. Once Andrewand I leave London, I'm not sure when we will be bac.," she added.
Emma hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Then I'll be there."
"Perfect!" Lavinia grinned.
Emma couldn't help but smile more genuinely now, feeling a little lighter, a little more at ease. Talking to Alice and Lavinia always did that for her, regardless of how chaotic her thoughts were. Once they left London after the season, it would take months before they would ever have reason to see each other again, so she was planning to make the most of it.
Even if it meant putting her own troubles aside for one evening.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
"You could have blocked that," Solomon rasped, putting his gloved hands down. "My apologies, Andrew."
Andrew adjusted his stance, hit by a punch that forced him to stumble back. He narrowed his eyes, watching Solomon. "If it has been a punch of a sober man, then perhaps... yes, I could have blocked that. But, right now, I can't even tell if you're in this ring or still lost somewhere else. Your movements are erratic."
"I just need to find my rhythm," Solomon answered. "I'll concentrate better."
"I think you've thrown enough heavy punches for the day, Your Grace," Andrew said, taking his gloves off. "I would continue, but my wife loves this handsome face and I would hate for any harm to come to it."
Solomon looked to the side, chuckling. "I apologize again. It was not my intention to harm your... handsome face."
"What's going on with you, Solomon?" Andrew asked, his voice lower, more concerned than it had been earlier. "I thought you had figured this all out."
Solomon, still breathing hard, began to take off the gloves on his hands. "No, my friend. Things got rather complicated. Not what I expected at all."
"I could tell," Andrew teased. "It was almost as if you saw me as the object of your frustration."
Solomon let out a dry laugh, finally pulling off his gloves and tossing them aside. He wiped his face with a towel, leaned on the ropes, taking a deep breath.
