Page 25 of Chasing the Wild
Blood rushes south in a way that it has absolutely no fucking business even daring to.
Fuck. I’m such an asshole. She’s my son’s territory, or at the very least, is meant to be with a guy his age, her age, and that reminder compels me to step back rather than grab her chin and taste those pouty fucking lips like I want to.
I’m a piece of shit for even looking at her.
What the hell am I even doing getting so close? This was a mistake.
If I’m ever going to have a relationship with my son, or have any chance of helping him make better choices with his life, I can’t give into whatever this thing is that hovers in the shadows between us.
She’s too young for me. I should know better.
There’s this thing called loneliness, and I really need to take the opportunity to find someone else the next time the roads are clear to get rid of this tension with. To fuck the past few months of filthy fantasies I’ve been having about this girl out of my system.
Because the very soft and feminine-looking young woman standing before me, looking back at me with big eyes, is not where I need to be sticking my dick.
Chapter 8
My earbuds blast something with a heavy beat that makes working in here even more enjoyable. I’m almost happiest when I’m alone and left to do my own thing, which I always thought was a flaw about myself for a long time.
Doing things on my own has always felt more comfortable. Girlfriends would try to take me shopping with them when I was in my teens, and I never felt like I fit in. I’d go back later on my own and that’s when I would find the things I wanted, by myself.
I guess that makes me a little bit faulty in their eyes? Why I never really found a group of girls to become friendly with. Like I was separate from the pack somehow.
Suppose it’s also why Kayce and I were never going to work—his possible lack of being able to keep his tongue out of other girls' mouths aside—because he lives for the glow of people. It energizes him.
Whereas I needed an entire week to recover after a single night out. I’d enjoy myself, absolutely, but it was afterward that I’d gladly crawl inside my shell and stay there, not leaving my apartment unless absolutely necessary. Or until my next shift arrived.
Out here on the ranch, it’s all too easy to slip into the fantasy of what life would be like. Being with someone who understands what it’s like… who craves space and solitude, but also wants to enjoy being alone, together.
My nostrils flare, I can’t allow myself to think like that, even for a second.
But holy shit, Colt could give a girl a break. This morning I caught a glimpse of him wandering around shirtless on his way to the laundry. I don’t mind that he forgets, I can’t imagine it’s easy for a man like him to go changing habits he’s been set in for so many years.
However, it’s alotof rugged man to withstand being around. Especially when my pulse triples each time I catch sight of him halfway dressed.
He didn’t notice me sitting in the lounge with my coffee and Kindle while I warmed up in front of the fire. And my greedy fucking eyes ate up every inch of his muscled torso.
Colt isn’t super cut like those health and fitness bros with eight packs that look airbrushed. He’s broad-chested, with the sexiest indentations on his stomach showing the outline of his abs… and then there’s that v I want to lick, dipping below his jeans.
He’s got muscles honed by years of working hard and definitely could toss a girl like me around with ease.
But he’s off limits.
I don’t know what happened between him and Kayce, but he obviously sees me as his son’s property. I saw the same war in his eyes last night in the kitchen before he pulled away. An expression that said he feels the intensity between us too, but nothing can happen.
There is noColtfor me… or dreams of being his lover… or even playing the role of forbidden fruit. The kind of temptation he knows he shouldn’t touch but can’t help himself.
He’s too honorable, and I’m too much of a good girl.
But, fuck, if I didn’t wish there was another time and place for us where the invisible lines keeping us from giving in to that electric pull didn’t exist.
“Feeling better today, Ollie?” I smooth over the nose of the sweetest, most docile of the horses. She’s the one they use for novice riders over summer because absolutely nothing can mess with her calm. Yesterday, I noticed her favoring one leg, so I wanted to get a good look to make sure there wasn’t any infection or injury to be concerned about. The farrier Colt uses has left plenty of notes from his last visit, which I’ve been flicking through to make sure there aren’t any past issues that might indicate a more serious situation I need to keep an eye on.
Ollie simply bats her long eyelashes my way, gives a snort, and walks up and down the barn perfectly for me as I study her gait.
“Nothing to worry about, huh?” I run a hand over her shoulder. “Looks like a good night’s sleep and a few extra treats this morning has got you feeling brand new.”
Now that I know Ollie isn’t in need of any urgent treatment, tidying the barn today is my goal, and it’s physical enough that I can keep the distraction of thinking dirty thoughts about my ex-boyfriend’s father at bay. While the Wi-Fi doesn’t work out here—to be honest, it only works in about two spots inside the house on a good day—I’ve been able to take some videos on my phone of the other horses being goofy, and with any luck, the internet will be strong enough for me to upload a couple of things to my Instagram when I check in on messages from Sage later tonight.
