Page 8 of Slow Burn
I followed, Brynn beside me with Amelia, my hand still touching her. I moved it against the soft, thin material of her dress and she shuddered again. Brynn slid a look my way and I smirked back. Watching her, I let my hand slid lower, over the plump curve of her ass.
It was impossible to miss that shudder, or the way her jade eyes turned smoky and dark. My cock certainly didn’t miss it. But, we weren’t here today for me to get a piece of that ass. As badly as I wanted it, I wanted something more.
As we circled the store, letting Lola fill the cart with whatever she insisted Amelia needed, I was formulating a plan. And keeping Brynn and my daughter close to me. My chest ached with something I didn’t have a name for whenever that baby smiled or made a cute sound. Or gazed up at Brynn like she was the most perfect person she had ever seen.
It made my plan more a necessity than a plan. I had no clue how to care for Amelia. None. But I was going to because I already couldn’t think about walking away. I wanted to give her anything, everything I had never had. And, it was obvious to me she wanted one thing more than the diapers and toys Lola was stocking her up on.
Amelia adored Brynn, maybe as much as I did, and I was going to see to it my daughter got her. And, maybe I would too.
“Let me hire you.” I said it loudly, blurted it out in the crib aisle as the girls cooed over pretty set ups.
“What? For what?” The entire hour we had been in the store, Brynn never let my daughter go. Never stopped bouncing her, never got tired of her noises or the way she burrowed against her, slobbering all over her tits. Can’t say I wasn’t jealous about my daughter motor boating my dream girl.
“Hire you. To take care of her. While I work.” That sounded better than the desperate pleas moments before.
I paid attention to Brynn and what was going on with her. As best I could, at least. I knew she was still here visiting, four months later. I knew she hid shit but wanted someone to ask. And I knew she was afraid people would judge her for those answers. I also knew loneliness when I saw it. The girls had welcomed her and they were close, but Brynn was lonely still. And I wanted to fix that for her. And for me. But, first. Priorities.
“Come here.” I was anxious as I tugged Brynn aside.
Lola watched us go with a knowing smirk. I glanced back at her and she pointed her chin out. Well, shit. Seems I was about as obviously about my interest in Brynn as I’d feared. Cool it, idiot. Leading Brynn to the nearest changing room, I ushered her in and locked the door behind us. I wanted to pin her to the mirror behind her, hike that dress up and fuck her till all her freckles popped out. I had thought about that often, actually. But, I digress.
“I need you, Brynn. I don’t trust people. I don’t trust anyone but us, actually. Amelia needs someone to hold her that way, to talk to her the way you’ve been talking to her. Her mother won’t be back to do it. Didn’t care enough to name her. I don’t want my daughter to ever be touched by that. To know what happened. I don’t know what I am doing. I could let Hunter and Lola take her, or go to an agency or something, I suppose. I don’t want to. I don’t even know if Iz was telling the truth. How do I know she’s mine?” I spoke my doubts aloud because, like I’d said, I trusted her. More than she knew.
“Doesn’t matter if she is or isn’t. She’s a holt, Levi. You said so yourself. She’s yours on paper.” I nodded as she bounced the baby on her hip, the sight doing crazy shit to my head.
I wanted to see her pregnant. Round and soft, and mine. The thought came out of nowhere and I knew it was ridiculous and yet, there it was. Fuck, I wanted her. More than I’d ever wanted someone. Even Isabel. It felt soul deep, how badly I wanted her. But, for now, I meant what I was saying. Amelia needed her more.
“Exactly. Amelia is mine. It’s fucking crazy and most guys might not even consider it, and maybe I’m a fucking idiot because I never, not for once second, considered otherwise. I want to do right by her, Brynn. I need you to help me. I don’t know what I am doing, and I can’t be there all the time. I can pay you. You can stay here. With us. With all of us.” I almost choked on that last sentence, because way to be transparent.
“I don’t...I don’t know Levi. I mean. I don’t actually know when I am leaving.” As I watched, she began to give in to the idea, so I pressed on.
“You won’t be leaving. You don’t want to, Brynn. Look,” Fuck it, I was going live here, “I fucked up with Iz. With some bunnies. I fucked up with you. That’s what I do. I don’t want to fuck it up this time. Look at me, Brynn.” My voice was heavy, hungry as I pressed closer. That shudder was there again and my dick ached, but it wasn’t about that right now. It couldn’t be.
“Levi...” Her voice was breathy the way that drove me crazy and I moved my face into her neck.
“I wanted you, baby. I did. I do. Fuck, don’t think I didn’t. Don’t think I ever won’t want you. I fucked up, I know. It was a bad time and I can’t tell you how bad I wish I had it back. That night. That morning. This is not about that. I swear to you. I am not using my daughter to get into your panties.” My lips pressed to the pulse at her throat and we both groaned. Then Amelia cooed and I pushed back a little.
“How long?” My mouth moved up to her ear, my hips pressing into her. It wasn’t about how bad I wanted her, but fuck if I could fight what my body wanted.
“As long as she needs you. Brynn, please. I won’t let this be about what I want for myself. I won’t do that to you. I want her to have whatever she needs. She needs you, baby.” It had been months since I had talked to her like this, but if felt so natural. So fucking right.
The night under the stars had changed everything for me. Brynn just didn’t realize it. I had been broken by Isabel, yes. But not because we were a great love. Just because I hadn’t felt lonely with Iz, at least not at first. For the first time since my parents, I had someone. Until she was gone and once again, that loneliness opened up like a dark cave welcoming me back home. Then I spent three days in a car from Mississippi to Chicago, and one night under the stars with Brynn.
I held her and touched her and she cracked that cave wide fucking open. I spent one night with her under the stars, being and feeling and touching the world around us and I’d never be the same. Isabel was waiting for me when we got home and Brynn thought I’d lied to her. And, maybe I had. Because I didn’t tell her what she made me feel, that it was like nothing else I’d ever felt. But I never got the chance to explain.
In the months since, I was lost and confused about my divorce, about my life, but never about the redhead who had stolen the parts of me that felt shit. Every time I got near her, they pulsed back to life. Only when I was near her. Which, thanks to Lola marrying Hunter, was often. I went to everything Charli invited me to. Cookouts and game nights, dinners and festivals. Each time hoping I could get a few more moments under the stars with Brynn.
Brynn shifted slightly and the baby was cradled between us again. Her chin lifted, those pretty jade eyes meeting mine. Fuck, she was beautiful. I knew her past, knew she came from privilege, but I saw past her refined edges and perfect poise. I saw her rough edges and the way she was never quite balanced. It’s what drew me to her, really.
“I should go back to Boston, Levi. It’s been months.” My hands shifted from her hips, up to wrap around her slender neck.
“You don’t want to. I told you...I paid attention, Brynn.” Between us, the baby cooed, snuggling into Brynn as she watched me with a half smirk on her cute face.
I’d be a damn liar if I said I was okay with the idea of Brynn going back to Boston. I wasn’t okay with it. I wasn’t ready for it. It had been four months and I’d wasted my time. I had so many chances to talk to her, to try again, to tell her the truth about that weekend. About that night under the stars. Instead, I had been waiting for...I don’t know what.
I could say I was waiting for my second chance. For the stars to come out again, the right music to play, the moment to be perfect. It was bullshit. I was fucking terrified of Brynn; of getting that second shot and then her ripping me to shreds like the ones before her. I was a fucking coward and I knew I didn’t deserve another chance.
But, Amelia, she deserved a chance.
