Page 62 of Slow Burn
17
LEVI
I risk my life to save people. Save homes. And I don't know if I can save my own family and my own home. I was so focused on getting it right with Brynn, on building this thing with her the right way, I might have been doing it wrong.
Why the fuck didn't I just bring her home with us?
“Get out of your head, bro. Not the time for this.” Hunter's hand is heavy on my shoulder and I nod.
We're heading to a call, a fire at a brownstone not too far from my place. It's the second fire today and my third call in the past five hours. Being on call is my least favorite shift to pull; I rather work four straight twelves, save a ton of lives and go home to my girls for a few days. Since I royally screwed up, again, I don't think my girls want me home.
Besides Brynn having to walk in to our house and find Isabel there, I hated her being around my daughter. Amelia was smart and even at eight months old, she had a good sense of people. My nugget loved our family, Finn and Cage, Gigi and Charli and adored Hunter, Lola and baby Ford. In fact, I think that little boy stole my nugget's heart.
Never did she get fussy around new people or throw fits if someone wanted to hold her or show her affection. Amelia is a loving baby who lives for that shit. Cage's mother Gwen had bonded with her, which should come as no surprise. But, so did our neighbors Megan and Jess. Everyone loved our daughter and she loved everyone. Until Isabel walked through our door.
That night I foolishly let her stay for dinner had made up my mind. Amelia fussed because she missed Brynn, of course. It was more than that. My tiny, loving, precious little Princess did not like her own birth mother. Isabel had stopped by once more, threatening again to take her from me if I didn't want to work things out.
“How about we prove her wrong, huh Princess?” I'd asked my nugget just after Isabel's first visit; while I swabbed her mouth and then my own for a DNA test.
Stiles, one of my cop buddies, was banging the pathologist and promised a quick turnaround. In my bones, I thought she was mine. Amelia made the same faces, had the same eyes, slept the same way, and loved the shit out of Brynn. We were like the same person. But, it would change nothing if she wasn't genetically mine. Amelia was my Princess, end of story.
“Get focused, bro. Shake that shit off. Deal with it later. Brynn will be there later. We picked good women this time. They will let us fuck up and fix it. Your family will be there, Levi.” I know he's right, and I do try to shake it off.
We all climb off the truck before it even stops at the curb, Cage taking lead with the hoses while Finn does a quick perimeter check. Hunter gives me a look and I nod, both of us heading right for the blaze. It's a four-story building, the top two billowing smoke from the windows. Tenants flood the street and Mason, our newest addition to the team, leads them away from the fire. Neighbors are on the streets watching, and he and Finn have to clear the area.
“Head in the game, Holt.” Hunter calls through the mic that fills the heavy helmet, my mask fogging briefly as I nod.
“Head's in it, Byrne.” I call back as we climb the stairs to locate the source of the fire.
The heat curls around us as we reach the second floor, smoke hanging over our heads. Some doors are wide open, and we shout in every single one. Those that aren't, we kick open, calling for tenants to evacuate. At the end of the hall, the heat increases and we share a look before climbing another flight of stairs. It's so hot at the next landing, the paint is coming off the walls in curls of fiery grays and whites.
“Coming from that corner apartment. Work our way towards it.” I nod again, following his lead.
I can hear Cage and Finn outside, and through our headsets, working the hoses and calling for another truck and some busses. I didn't think it was that bad, and the tenants seemed to have cleared out. But, I’m in the thick of it, so I refocus. I kick in one door and the blowback pushes me back, but no flames curl out. The next door, is bending to the will of the fire and before I can reach it, it bursts outward.
I hear it then. A little, choked cry. A baby. Goddamn it, a baby!
“Hunter. Someone's in this one.” I rush in without waiting, just thinking about getting to that baby.
Thinking about Amelia. About Brynn. About what I would do if it were them. I feel focused, but two steps in and I realize I'm not. I am dizzy, the heat burning my eyes and smoke filling my lungs. I realize my respirator isn't functioning. And the third step reminds me I am still really just a rookie. The floor is too soft. Too forgiving beneath my step.
“Levi!” I hear Hunter, but his voice seems so far away. Above me almost.
And I realize I'm falling. My feet come out from under me, and I expect to hit the floor beneath me. But, the floor is gone. I'm aware of heat and smoke and burning. I see ash and flames as I plummet through burnt beams pipes, feeling the ruined floor grabbing at my gear, leaving me hanging for a moment. Then I crash to the floor beneath me, my left leg caught on something for a moment. Pain shoots up my back when I finally fall through completely, crashing to the smoked-out room beneath me.
I can't breathe and I can't see and yet, I hear that baby. I hear a rush of noise, the whooshing, crackling sound of flames and I look up. I see a dark shadow and am afraid it's Hunter coming crashing down after me. It's gone when I blink, my chest pumping for air, hands scrambling for my respirator. I just hear the soothing whir of it breathing life into my lungs when I hear it. The splintering sound of wood; I look up as the fire creeps down through the hole above me, like it's reaching out for me.
As the smoke thickens and I grow dizzy, lungs aching and eyes burning, I see her. Brynn. With Amelia. My tiny baby is safe in her arms, and fuck, she looks so happy, and so much like me and Brynn. They're looking at me with love and it makes my chest ache more than breathing fiery ash. I love them more than life itself. Would do anything for them. Give them anything.
The image wavers in the smoky haze and Amelia grows. Crawling, laughing, talking right in front of my eyes. Until she's a small child; arms wound around Brynn's thigh, her hair in bouncing curls. They don't look as happy. Sad, even. I don't see that love in their eyes, and I know it's because I left them. I lost my focus and risked myself. And, I know I can't do that to them. That part of doing anything for them means being safe, and getting my ass home to them.
“I'm coming home girls. I'm coming home. Home to my Princess. My queen.”
Slowly the image wavers and the last thing I see is the whole world crashing in on me.
Used to love being cold. Kept my place icy cold, never higher than sixty-degrees. I loved winter and even the first few months of spring. Seems I am not a fan anymore. After months of having either Brynn's soft, warm body wrapped around me, or Amelia climbing all over me—sometimes both—I hate the cold. It stings my skin and makes it hard to breathe.
I want the warmth of Brynn's peppermint-peony smell crowding me, soothing me. All that soft, thick, melon smelling hair
