Page 6 of Slow Burn
“Just rookie, then?”Isabel had turned her sultry look my way and for one night, for one moment of one night at least, I didn’t feel alone.
I knew how it worked. There were hotels near all the pubs we frequented. One of Hunter’s many rules. Do the deed where the evidence just blends with the rest. I expected to head to one of them, fuck Isabel until my fear and pain went away long enough for us both to come, before we’d part ways. That is not how Isabel did things that night, though.
“Let’s eat, rook. And I mean food.”We had just hit the clogged streets when she changed things up on me.
“I thought you wanted...” At twenty-two I was no virgin but my experience paled in comparison to hers, and we both knew it.
“Oh, we will, rook. Feed me first.”Isabel had a way of getting you to do what she wanted.
I don’t know why she chose me that night. Why she laughed and opened up to me and no one else. I have no idea why we didn’t fuck for almost a week. Why when we finally did, at her place, she was shy and sweet. I have no idea why, if just for a moment, it was so different than before. It was just a moment, though.
For that moment, I thought I was in love. Iz showed me Chicago and herself and I loved every inch. Iz was wild and reckless and we both came from nothing. While I wanted to have something, Iz never wanted for more.
Two months in, with us fucking our way around Chicago with no promise of more, I knew it was never going to be more. I didn’t know what more I wanted, but I knew Iz would never give it to me.
Like anyone in my position would, I walked away.
For weeks, I watched Iz replace me with men I’d called friends. Men who didn’t know they were crossing lines because Iz never drew any. Tired of watching from the sidelines, I joined the game. Chose a waiting and willing bunnie from the pack and headed for the nearest hotel.
I wanted to get back on the field, I told myself. Bullshit. Total bullshit. What I wanted was to make Iz admit we were different. Even if we both knew we really weren’t.
“Levi!” I am still shamed at the cocky pride that burned through me when Iz followed us out.
“Go back inside, Iz.”I’d bellowed, burrowing into the softness of the stranger I told myself I could fuck away my pain with.
“Take me with. I don’t want to watch you be with someone else, Levi.”The other bunnie was down for anything of course.
“But I can watch you be with everyone else, right?”Iz was smart, smarter than she wanted anyone to know and I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
“We both know nothing lasts. Neither of us know how to do this. Know a single thing other than being selfish. You still want to try?” I thought I loved her, thought what we had looked as close to love as I’d ever seen.
Like a fool, I said yes, I wanted to try. Our idea of trying was starting back up that night. And included that bunnie. Two days later, we were married, the bunnie standing in as witness. The only bunnie whose name I knew, because it was on my marriage license. Truth was, we never really did try. Not enough to make a marriage work. Hell, not enough to make anything work.
“Here you go, man,” The driver’s cheery voice called, bringing me to the present, “Need help with that?”
He nodded towards the baby seat, but I was a fast learner. “No, I think I got it. Thank you, though.” I scooped the nugget out, bringing her close to my chest.
After shoving some cash, more than enough to cover the fair, into his hand, we climbed out. Although I knew I needed more for her, I didn’t know what, exactly. I may be willing to take care of the little Princess but I wasn’t pretending I knew how to. I had no siblings so I had really no prior experience. And, it wasn’t like I could call my parents for some input.
After they died, I had never been so lost. One moment we were a family, we took vacations to Disneyland and my dad played ball with me in the back yard while mom baked cookies. I had that kind of life.
In a flash of fire and smoke, it was all gone. I had nothing left, not even photos to remember them by. Hunter always looked at me after we had a rough call, one that maybe we weren’t in time for or went bad, as if he was waiting for me to lose it.
It’s not like he was wrong to worry. The very first time we’d had a bad call, I had lost it. They didn’t know that, none of them did. I thought Hunter might sideline me and I couldn’t have that. I did this for my parents. Because of kids like me.
If I could stop one kid from having that empty, lost feeling I’d carried around like a cloak for so long, it was worth it. Hunter’s cautious look hadn’t been aimed at me in a while, but mostly because we were fucking good and bad calls didn’t happen often.
Now, carrying that tiny infant into Twinkle, Twinkle, I wish I had someone to ask. Someone to tell me what to do. To tell me if I was making the right choice by her. Did a firefighter who had no one make for a good father for a little Princess? I had no idea, but I thought I might be a better choice than a woman who can’t even give the child she carried for nine months a fucking name.
“Levi?” Lola’s voice makes me jump, mostly because I don’t expect it but also because she’s always bright and on. Like pretty neon.
“Hey Lola Bear! Your brute of a husband didn’t send you to look after me, did he?” My eyes drop to her cute rounded belly, where her tattooed left hand smooths back and forth.
“No, handsome, he did not. Hunter let me know your whore of a wife left a parting gift, though.” I winced a little, not for her slight against Iz-because let’s be honest, it wasn’t off—but because the nugget heard it and began to squirm.
“That she did. I figured since she handed her over, bow and all, I couldn’t refuse her, right?” We were just inside the store, and though she said otherwise, I felt like it was a set up.
Hunter suggested this store when I’d mentioned needing stuff for the baby. He knew just as well as I did that I was flying completely blind. I was inclined to believe he suggested the store knowing Lola might bump into me while doing her own baby shopping. Either that or he outright set me up and sent Lola to lead me by the hand like the clueless fuck I was. I’d take it. Just as I began to hand over the baby, I saw her.
