Page 47 of Slow Burn
13
LEVI
Didn’t realize I could stop breathing, stop feeling, stop sensing anything and keep living. But, apparently, I can. Because that’s what I’m doing. Living. Somehow, I am doing it without all the important parts of me. The parts of me that feel anything, taste anything. Because, Brynn took those with her when she left.
When Itold herto leave us, I correct myself.
It’s been over a week and I don’t know how I got this far without her. The first day, I didn’t leave Amelia’s bedroom. We just stayed in that room, the one that had started our family all those months ago, and held my daughter and promised her we’d be okay. First time I ever lied to my nugget.
By the third day, I still had not eaten, even when I fed Amelia. I hadn’t changed clothes nor showered, either. I just took care of my Princess and tried to ignore that festering wound in my chest when I looked at her. Looked at her and saw only my girls; saw Brynn in her giggles and smiles.
To me, Amelia looked more like Brynn than Isabel. That red hair—which she got from my mother—and those pure, sweet eyes, that rosy, milky skin. Their eyes smiled the same, and her nose looked more like Brynn’s than I had realized before. It hurt to look at her sometimes and that made me ache even more.
Eventually I knew I had to let go. Didn’t mean I knew how to. The anger helped, though. That she had lied to me, did too. It wasn’t the big stuff she lied about, so that should matter. I believed she loved me. Believed Amelia was her whole world. But that didn’t matter when I considered the risks she had taken with her.
“Coming in today, bro?” Hunter called after letting me grieve her loss and I knew I had no choice.
“Yeah. Will…can Lola take Amelia? Just for now…” Hunter sighed sadly and I was not prepared for his answer.
“Amelia is family, Levi. Of course. Lola is a fucking mess and hates you a little bit right now, though. Just a heads up.” I frowned, taking my phone away from my ear to look and be sure I wasn’t making up the conversation.
Not like I hadn’t talked to ghosts at all the last few days.
“Mad at me? Because the woman I loved lied to me for months? While putting my daughter in danger? Yeah, I’m the bad guy.” I regret the tone of my voice when he growls back.
“Watch it, Levi. Love you bro, but guess who wins if I have to choose? Lola hates you because Brynn vanished. Won’t answer our calls and Lola has called every hour since you told us she left your place. Did um…did she mention where…” I laugh harshly, even as panic courses through me.
“No. Didn’t exchange forwarding addresses, Hunter. I figured Lola’s place, though. Go check it’s across the hall.” I spit the words out, bitter that she had some place to go like this was never her home.
“Yeah, about that. Lola checked. Its empty. I mean, Lola’s shit is there. Nothing from Brynn. Like she was never even there.” I almost laugh because I wish it was that easy for me.
Instead, my entire place reminds me of her at every turn. The photos on the wall, the bed that smells like her, that fucking body wash in the shower. Things I never noticed when Isabel left, I can’t shake this time around. Instead they remind me every single day of what I had and lost.
I assure Hunter I don’t know where Brynn might be, and it hurts because that’s the truth. I have no idea. All this time, after everything, I don’t know if I ever knew her at all. Not the important stuff. Not the stuff that could make this stick. I feel foolish for letting myself go all in when it's clear she never could.
“Well, just be careful with Lola. Like I said, if I had to choose, it’s that pixie every day, bro.” I tell him I get it, and sadly, I do.
I would have chosen Brynn over the entire world just a week ago. The entire world, except Amelia. I had hoped it was the same for her, but clearly, I was wrong.
Because if it was the same, she would have let me in enough to allow me to protect my girls. That she hadn’t just reminds me how little I knew the woman I had thought I could spend my life with.
Heading back to work sounds like good therapy. I shower, eat and feed Amelia and am packing a bag for her when there’s a knock at the door. I know then I am a fucking liar. I love Brynn with everything I am; hope burns through me as I rush to throw the door open, hoping she can’t be found because she has come back home.
“Hello, husband.” I stagger, I am so stunned at who I find instead.
“Isabel?” I look out onto the porch, seeking someone else, anyone else.
“Of course. Who else might be here?” Isabel turns to look too, frowning up at me.
“What are you doing here?” I fix my narrowed gaze down at her, stepping between her and the threshold.
“I came to talk. To see you. To see my child.” I bark a laugh out, shaking my head as I shove her more onto the porch.
“I’m sorry, what? You have a child? With who? Not with me, you don’t. I have a daughter. Who has nothing whatsoever to do with you.” Each word forces her back a step, it’s so low and cutting.
“Levi. Look, I just want to see her. See you. Talk about doing the right thing, maybe. I gave birth to her,she ismy child.” Iz tips her chin up as she glares up at me.
Looking down at her, I wonder how I had made such a mistake once. How I’d thought I loved her. What a fucking fool. A nice pair of tits and a filthy mouth does not a happily ever after make. With too much makeup, too tight clothes and a sneer on her face, I wonder how I’d looked at her and saw happiness.
