Page 38 of Slow Burn
“Lola. He won't just want the money. I know too much. I won't get to just walk away.” The tears I thought I was done with started fresh again.
I risked too much by coming here. I had been so foolish. I couldn't hide from my mistakes forever. I knew eventually he might find me, and I figured I would just go back home with him when he did. Continue the drops, continue the fucked-up payment he took in the way of the torture he put me through in his bed. I reached for my phone, hitting the last message he had left me for her to listen to.
“Coming for you, Goldie. Not too happy with the company you're keeping lately. Too many fucking badges around you. Should know better than to think they can protect you. You forget who we are?”I cut the message off and threw my phone across the table.
Lola snatched the phone up before it slid off the edge. Hiking a brow at me, she cocked her head, spinning the phone in her hand. Her lovely face contorted into a mask of rage and she sat forward on the high kitchen stool. I reared back, shocked by the spark of anger in her pretty purple eyes.
“What did I just tell you, China Doll? I don't care if that's the fucking Godfather on the other end of that message. You have people now, Brynn. People who will do what it takes to make fucks like Bernie nothing but a bad memory.” I shook my head, although my heart leapt with hope at what she offered.
“No. No, I won't let Bernie or the Kelly family find me here. Or with Levi and Amelia. I will just go back home. I can offer the money but he won't want it, I know that. I won't let my family be hurt again.” I started to slide off the chair, my decision made.
“Leaving them won't hurt them? Walking out on that baby and Levi, who both adore you, won't hurt them, Brynn? Are you listening to yourself? I lost you once, for long enough, I know firsthand how it hurts. Don't do it to them because you're scared. Because you think you don't deserve them. What you deserve is everything, and so do they.” Lola pinned me with a long look, then turned and left me with her words.
I know walking away would hurt them all. And, Lola was right; I was so certain I didn't deserve what I had found with Levi. I had a chance at a family once, one that I gave up because I doubted I could get it right. I paid for that doubt, but that was a debt I doubt I would ever repay.
Crossing the hall to the condo I hadn't been to in weeks, I decided I'd earned one night of self-pitying. The freezer had some Halo Top chocolate covered banana that would hardly heal my heart, but would be a start. I grabbed the pint, a spoon and changed into some fleece pajamas before curling into the couch.
I sat in darkness, eating the delicious ice cream I didn't taste, and mourning the loss of what I had just found.
I realize I'm not alone, because they are loud no matter what they do, before I realize where I am. The sun is shining too brightly to be Levi's bedroom, and I don't hear Amelia cooing down the hall. An ache burns in my chest when I think about not seeing that precious baby or Levi and I come awake.
“Awe an entire pint, Gold? Least it was the good stuff, I guess.” Gigi's voice is a mix of teasing sadness that makes me curl into myself more.
“Morning sunshine,” Charli coos, a hand smoothing my hair back, “Think we need a girl's day, yeah?” Her thick hair is falling in her face as she bends over me, her gray eyes soft but lacking the pity I expected.
I shove into a sitting position, which takes some effort, as my eyes focus in the sunlight. Charli, Gigi and Lola sit around the big leather ottoman that sits in front of the couch. I don't want their pity or their sympathy and for a moment, anger surges forward. Then I look at their faces, at the warm, loving and patient looks in their eyes and its snuffed out.
“I need something,” My vision blurs as my nose burns with tears, “because I think I just threw away my entire world.” I detonate the moment they move, as one like a unit, to wrap me in an awkward six arm hug.
“Pish posh,” Charli swipes at her own tears when the hug breaks, “You're human, Brynn. You get to fuck up. Lord knows those boys fucked up a few times. What you do not get to do is just walk away. I know firsthand running does you no good. And, if Levi is anything like the other Ladder 71 men, you won't get far even if you do run.” Gigi nodded as she brushed my hair away from my face.
“Besides, you don't need to stay for Levi. Or for us. You need to stay for Amelia. For you. We have beasts for men, who walk into fires to save strangers. Imagine what they will do for the women who love them. Who give them babies and make their worlds worth something. And, I mean...Levi is painfully hot, especially with that adorable Princess on his arm. Give that up? I think not. That's like saying no to ice cream or puppies or something. Can't be done.” Gigi smirked when she got a smile out of me.
“What do I do? How can I risk hurting them more? Me walking away does not endanger their lives like my staying might.” Lola shoved between the two Cooper girls, shaking her head.
“China, what might walking away do for your life? Hmm? Tell us that? Now, tell us how you think it might be for Levi? For Amelia? It’s just not an option, sweets.” Lola insisted.
“Told you last night I had no choice. Why round two of arguing otherwise?” I shoved further into a seated position, crossing my arms and legs in a weak show of defiance.
“Oh, China. This is a multi-layered offensive. I'll just keep coming. Keep reminding you what you think you get to just walk away from. Because, newsflash: we don't walk away. Not when we get a chance to get it right. To have good people, good men, good chances at happiness.” I look away from them all, unsure what I could have done in my shit life to deserve them.
“Your man is a good man. He loves you. Amelia loves you. We love you. You love this town. You love us, how could you not,” Charli giggled as she hit me with one final blow, “You love that baby more than yourself. And, obviously, you love that man. It's so simple, Brynn.” I look back at them watching me, wishing I could believe that.
“Stay.” They sing-song together; I see the emotion in their eyes, can feel it in their efforts.
I don't say yes. I don't say no, either. I do go with them for lunch at Lola's favorite pasta place, and then spend the afternoon being pampered. We go to a day spa and get manicures and pedicures, a massage that puts me to sleep, and when it's all over, they drive me to Levi's place.
“You sneaky bitches.” I accuse as I look up at the perfectly adorable craftsman home. A heavy dose of fear, mixed with some remorse and excitement whirl through me.
“Goddamn right. Go get your life, China Doll.” Lola all but shoves me from Charli's big ass truck and I land with a thud on the pavement.
I hold up two middle fingers and a grin as they tear away from the curb. When I turn back to the house, I feel my grin slip away. I walked out like a coward last night. What's more, Levi asked me to make a choice and I didn't choose him and Amelia. I thought protecting them was the best I could give them.
Think it’s time I start making the right choices for the right reasons.
Although I have keys, I knock at the door. I don't even know if he's home, but I have a sneaking suspicion our girl’s day out lasted just long enough to be sure he was. Charli knows everyone's schedule, it seems, so I suspect she planned it just right. The door swings open and my heart lurches in my chest.
“H-hey....” I manage before my throat closes off any hope of words.
