Page 2 of Slow Burn
At first, I did not have a valid reason. Even wondered if he was right; if that quickie wedding had been stupid. Didn’t even have a good excuse.
Isabel didn’t trap me, didn’t get knocked up—at least not at first—didn’t want me for my money or even need my last name to stay in the country. All reasons I could have fallen back on.
My reasons were my own. Not even Isabel really knew. I maybe never talked about a family with Isabel; but I knew one day I’d want one. I’d been alone so damn long. Getting married, having someone, hoping for something more, it was reason enough. Love was never the reason I gave when they asked why Isabel.
Because I think we both know love was never involved. Lust, for sure. Isabel was a hot strawberry blonde with nice tits, a hoover for a mouth and legs that spread at the sight of a uniform. I was young, dumb and full of come. Precisely how I’d ended up here, with a tiny little person who needed someone.
“Give me the nugget. Guess I’ll take that day after all, Hunter.” I nodded at a brooding Hunter who watched over us as we handled the baby.
With a midget of his own on the way, Hunter had turned into a softer, gentler papa bear. Unless, of course, Lola was near; then he was growly and grumpy and fuck ifanyonewanted to touch her little round belly.
“Take the weekend, Levi. I promise that nugget will adjust faster than you, bro. Call Lola if you need something.” Hunter nodded, the flash of a smile whenever he spoke of his wife making me smirk. Wish I had something that made me feel like that.
An hour before, I had been working towards something in the ballpark. Or at the very least, the parking lot. Done with badge bunnies, I was lining up a legit date with the hot blonde from the coffee shop next door. Isabel had barged in, set the little bundle of cuteness at my feet and said two words.
“She’s yours.” I’d let her get about ten feet away before I scooped the baby up and marched after her.
“What? What the fuck are you doing here, what is this?” I motioned towards the baby and regretted it; she was a little human, not a thing.
“I tried. I did, Levi. Just not cut out for it. Now it’s your turn.” A grumbling muscle car idled at the curb, “I swear she is yours. I didn’t know.... I mean when I left, I didn’t know. I might not have left.” That was a fucking lie and she couldn’t even look me in the face to deliver it.
Iz had been gone for months, long before I walked in on her get railed by another badge wearing fuck. I tried, at first, to make it work. I brought home dinner and flowers and took every other weekend off. It was pointless. I barely knew Iz when we got together so it didn’t take much for her to become a stranger again.
To be honest, I was fuckingrelieved. It hurt, yeah. But I was so exhausted by then. I’d made a mistake and then tried for almost a year to atone for it. To figure out how to make something out of that mistake. As I stroll out of the fire house into the cool fall night, I think, just maybe, I did.
After my parents died, I moved Chicago. An aunt took me in for a few months but it didn’t last. By then I was becoming a pro at getting everything wrong. Dropped out of school, kicked around the streets for a while, got into trouble. Marrying the wrong girl had actually been my first attempt to go straight. That turned out to be wrong too, but maybe this wasn’t.
Before I scooped up that little nugget and took her inside to the guys, I looked right intoIz’eyes. I saw a different woman looking back at me.Not the woman I thought I married, or even the one she became after thatmarriagebegan to fail. Someone lost and seemingly vacant, willing me to cut herloosefrom the burden she’d placed at my feet.
I was a firefighter. I helped people. Saved people every day. I could save this little baby. After deciding not only that I could, but that I would, I headed home.
“What is your name, Princess face?” I murmur as she wraps a tiny fist around my finger.
Iz had dropped her off with a little pink and yellow diaper bag, with monkeys on it, a few diapers and bottles. Nothing else. No name, no idea how old she was, nothing. Iz never was good with the details.
“Let me see what I can find out.” Hunter insisted just before I’d headed out with her.
“I just need to know how old she is. Her birthday. Her name.” I could have mentioned DNA shit, too. Truth was, I didn’t care.
I didn’t need to know. Not now, at least. I needed to get this little baby set up, get her fed, and figure out how to work my life around her for right now. The weekend Hunter had given me was not long enough, but it was a start.
After picking up tiny diapers, some milk and some canned formula—since I had no idea which was best—I grabbed the L that took me to my place in midtown.
Along the way, I spoke to the little nugget as she cooed up at me. That little fist never let go of my finger. It was fall, but warm forSeptemberin Chicago. Still, I had picked up a cute monkey blanket at the store, wrapping the little Princess up in it.
Her eyes were bright, green, lively like Iz and her button nose was cute as shit. A downy soft patch of reddish hair spiked up on her little head and I touched my nose to it. Damn, babies really did smell good. Fresh and new. Like second chances.
“Doesn’t matter what your mama did, nugget. Or what I did before. Matters that I make it right. And I will, I promise.” I clutch that baby close as I ride the L home, laden down with shit I never thought I might need.
Once I got home, the little Princess was passed out. I’d picked up just the essentials—what I assumed were the essentials,anyway—so I had no crib or bassinet for her. For tonight, I’d just have to make do. On my massive king sleigh bed—something Iz had picked out—I made a fortress of pillows in the center. I set the little nugget carefully inside before moving to lie downalongsideher.
I had no clue what I was doing, and I knew that. I knew that I would very likely be calling Lola or Hunter in the near future. Probably Gwen Cooper and the rest of the Cooper women too. Besides knowing the nugget needed to be fed and changed, I didn’t know much else.
Hell, I didn’t even know if I would be so willing to care for this little baby tomorrowmorning, after I’d slept on it. I kind of thought, watching her sleep in that mass of pillows, I probably would though. And if I didn’t, I would findthe right place for her.
For once, it wasn’t about my wounded ego or my baggage. It wasn’t about what Isabel or anyone before her, or since, had done to me. Or what I had done to myself. No, it was about this tiny, innocent baby and what would be the right choice for her.
I knew what it was like to go it alone. To wonder if you mattered to anyone. If you might ever have a place that was yours, people that considered you important. I knew what it felt like to have nothing and no one.
I had screwed up plenty in my life. Lying in that big bed, watching the sunlight chase the horizon, I made a vow to the little nugget left at my feet. A vow that the moment I breathed it, I knew I would do anything to keep.
“I got you now, Princess. Daddy or not, I got you now and I promise to do right by you.”
