Page 12 of Slow Burn
“Quit it. I got it, Lola. My treat.” Lola nods and begins to step away, then pauses.
“Hunter might be right. Don’t mind hedging my bet though.” Her short bob bounces forward slightly before she brushes past me.
I twist to watch her go and my panic button explodes. Alarms sound, red lights swirl. Lola pauses to touch her face to the adorable bundle Levi is holding to his chest. Damnit, Levi.
It’s unfair, really. With two days growth at his jaw, tousled golden hair, a bright toothed smile, sparkling blue eyes and a tiny baby cradled in his massive arms, he’s like a weapon of mass destruction to my ovaries. They implode.
I feel my pulse skitter so fast it’s worse than what any syrupy sweet, bacon laden breakfast could ever do. My hands tremble as I struggle to unfold cash in hopes of bolting.
“Morning, honey.” Too late.
Lola is gone, Levi is here and I am stuck. Sliding onto the stool beside me, he smirks at Lola’s plate, reaching past me to snag a pinch of my waffle. Amelia is twisted against his chest, her chubby legs and arms kicking as he bounces her.
They both smile at me at the same time. I shit you not, father and daughter smirk the same smirk at precisely the same moment. I am inso muchdamn trouble.
“Morning Levi. Amelia. What’s got you two out?” I finish the last two bites of my waffle as he sinks in beside me.
“You, Brynn. Nugget woke me up asking for you. Told you I don’t plan to deny my nugget anything. What does your day look like, gorgeous?” I slide a narrowed look his way, hating how perfect they look, how perfect he smells and that sexy, raspy voice of his.
“Um, unpacking at the condo I suppose. Might be nice not to live out of a suitcase for a few months.” I lift a shoulder, refusing to take the bait he’s so clearly dangling.
“Mmm, we can help. In return, you can help me get my nugget situated. Sound like a plan?” No, it did not sound like a plan, it sounded like trouble.
Also, I lied. I finished unpacking late last night. I didn’t exactly come with much. Didn’t leave much behind, either. Just when I began to formulate an excuse, Amelia reached out, wrapping her tiny hand around my braid and tugging.
It didn’t hurt. Nothing more than my pride because it yanked the three of us into a little bubble of baby-Levi-honey-bacon smelling bliss. Levi smirked and reached out, smoothing his large hand over my braid and taking her hand with it.
“Come on, honey. Look at that face, huh? Or better yet, look at my face, yeah? Look at how Goddamn adorable we are, and try to turn us down.” Levi’s eyes were bright, almost electric blue, his smile crooked and my heart ached. As did the heat between my legs, but I digress.
“Shut up. Give me that baby.” I cooed, holding my hands out. Levi obeyed, tossing two twenties on the counter before ushering us out.
I ignored his hand on the small of my back as he followed me out. Ignored when it slid lower, like it had yesterday. His big hand gripped tightly once, lifting a cheek in his hand before it fell away.
I could not ignore the way his fingers passed just briefly between my legs as he smoothed his hand back up to my hip. Sly mother fucker. Levi chuckled beside me, lowering his lips to my ear.
“Said I’d try, baby. Didn’t say I might be very good at it. You smell fucking amazing by the way.” Levi traced his nose up my neck, his lips hot at the curve of my ear and I shuddered.
“Stop it.” It was a weak lie of a protest and he knew it.
“I love that little shudder you get when I touch you. I fucking love it.” I twisted to glare at him; pretty sure I failed and I looked like a panting slut, but what can you do?
“Behave Levi or I swear to God...” I cradled Amelia close to my chest as we headed for the L.
“I am trying, honey. I’m just not as good at it as you are, Brynn.” I bowed my head, letting Amelia toy with my braid, breathing in her sweet, fresh scent.
“Never said it was easy.” I murmured softly, refusing to look his way.
“You got good at it though. I deserve it. Earned it, didn’t I?” Again, he was touching me, hand at the small of my back, guiding me through the busy streets.
This time, I didn’t shudder. I didn’t give him what he wanted. But, I didn’t ignore how it felt. The weight of his hand on the small of my back. The burn of his fingertips at the curve of my hip. And the subtle press of his hard body against my side. I might have loved it more than he claimed to love my show of weakness earlier.
I am not a fool and yet I do foolish things. Like press closer to him as we walked, pretending it was the crowd’s fault. Or holding his heated gaze as we waited on the platform. Letting him slide close once we boarded, his arm slung over my shoulders. I watched him coo and talk to his daughter and I could image a thousand more stupid, foolish things I could do.
Like let this become something we both know it can’t be. Pretend we could pick up where we left off that morning four months ago. Act as if the past four months didn’t matter. That Levi carrying on as if that weekend never happened didn’t matter. Those were the foolish things that crossed my mind as we rode that train to his house. The three of us, like we were something.
It hurt and I was letting it hurt. Masochist. I was a Goddamned masochist. It always hurt when I saw cute little babies, happy families, little girls the same age mine would be now. I never considered a family after giving mine away. I knew I didn’t deserve it.
Now, here I was, letting myself play family with a man I can’t trust and a baby that could never be mine. I almost slide the baby back to Levi, exit that train and get the fuck out of Chicago. Until I see her.
Across from us, a woman watches us. I don’t miss the flash of envy on her pretty face. She must be in her forties, her ring finger bare and her eyes sad. Levi spots her too, tossing a polite nod. Suddenly he leans down, pressing a kiss atop Amelia’s curls, his eyes on mine.
Lord help me. Levi Holt might not know about the family I gave up. Doesn’t know about the one that cut me out of their lives. Somehow, he knows I crave one though. He might have known it before I did. Seeing as I’m just realizing it that very moment.
Levi offers me a secretive smile that heats my blood and makes my pulse leap. His big hand smooths over Amelia’s head as we watch each other. As he lets me hold his child while he holds me. There’s something in those sparkling blue eyes that scares the shit out of me, even as I ignore what’s behind it.
I can ignore it. I can pretend. What choice do I have? Doesn’t matter that Levi seems to want to give me his family. Because, I can’t have them.
