Page 81 of Burn It Down
Sitting on that bench, I tried to remember the last time I enjoyed being with Bree. Actually looked forward to seeing her and enjoyed the time I got with her. It had been ages. The summer before college, maybe.
I remember we took off on this backpacking adventure in Europe. Bree always wanted to see Milan and Rome. Bree’s father financed the whole trip, and we had such an adventure.
I was excited to go because we had been growing distant. Plus, my heart was breaking over Finn; he and Cage had started their shenanigans with the bunnies by then.
I couldn’t sit by and watch it a moment longer. I thought we might see the world, connect again, and I’d come back rid of my feelings for him. I got the see the world part right.
“You’re so hot, you know that?” Bree giggled one day at the Trevi fountains.
“Shut up. The fountains just made you randy, Bree.” Truly, it seemed Bree was always randy, always in the mood.
“Maybe it’s you that makes me hot, pretty Gigi. Ever consider it might be because of your proximity I am always so keyed up?” Bree never had a preference and made it known she got down with whoever struck her fancy.
Bree also lived to lead people on. More than once, I watched her make someone pant, just to get the thrill, then turn them down. No guilt. No remorse.
Bree said things like that to me all the time. That summer, however, I was broken hearted, and maybe I wanted her to mean it a little.
Not because I wanted Bree; I am all for free love, but I am not exactly that free. I wanted to hear someone say they wanted me. Even if they didn’t mean it.
When she got me drunk on our last night overseas and told me I was beautiful, I told her the same. Because, well, she was. Especially when we’d emptied four bottles of wine.
Later, when she crawled into bed with me, I let her. Pretended it was okay that she cuddled with me. I needed the affection.
Bree looked at me differently the next morning, and I thought perhaps she had been embarrassed. I know I was when I woke up with both of us naked in the sheets.
After we returned state side, Bree went radio silent. Then school started. Bree was supposed to go to New York. Instead, she stayed here with me, and we bunked together.
I thought the closeness the dorm forced would make us deal with that last night in Rome. Instead, we drifted further apart. That she could hurt me, intentionally go after Finn knowing what I felt for him, proved it.
Why she might be leaving letters and flowers, texting from blocked numbers, and sending me those pics, I could not fathom. I didn’t care. Not now. It hurt. Both because of her betrayal and the truth. Finn lied.
Again.
I knew now it was because he had been certain this bit of dirt could not be buried. Finn was wrong. After storing those photos on my cloud, just in case, I wiped them from my phone.
Wish I could wipe them from my memory too. I jogged the rest of the way home, my lungs burning in the cold. I knew Finn would be pissed I left without bothering to let anyone know. I’d make it up to him.
Just as a smile cracked my face, I heard it. Footsteps. The streets were busy but the sidewalks were pretty empty.
At first, I thought nothing of it. Until I realized the pace matched mine. I wasn’t jogging now, just walking fast. It was freezing, and I’d left my coat at the cottage.
When I sped up, so did the steps. I didn’t dare look behind me. If there was someone there, I didn’t want them to know I was aware. Instead, I just picked up my pace.
I was close to the condo but I no longer wanted to go home. Instead, I blew right past it. Doubled back towards Finn’s station. It was four blocks from the condo. Even if he was out, or asleep since it was late, I would be safe there.
Adrenaline spiked through my veins as I heard the footsteps pick up. Running track in high school suddenly came into play. Pulling in huge lung full’s of icy air, I sped up. Swerved around a bum curled up beneath a store front.
Then through a patch of trees around the side of a deli. Probably not wise to take a shortcut. I knew the neighborhood, though.
Spent plenty of time this summer sneaking around to see Finn. Who knew that might come in handy?
Panic should be setting in any moment now. I knew it was not natural for me to not feel scared. I felt angry, actually. Angry enough that twice, I almost twisted to confront whoever was trailing me.
Fearing it might have nothing to do with Bree, or whoever had been stalking me, I thought better of it. How did I suddenly become a magnet for chaos?
“Because you fell in love with a whore and led your teacher on while fouling up your friendship with your bestie.” Puffs of cold air filled the night sky as I berated myself.
The fire station loomed into view and my feet picked up. The steps behind me pounded on the snow, crunching it with every step.
