Page 80 of Burn It Down
“Charli does not talk. Charli is sweet as sugar. My girl does not talk to you about…. Jesus, Fuck, does Charli talk?” I watched him turn red and thought it was well earned.
“Abso-fuckin-lutely. I mean details are vague since it is you. I do know I can’t look at my favorite library the same. Or this truck actually.” I made a show of looking around the cab where I knew for a fact they fucked on her lunch breaks.
“Red! Jesus Fuck. I’m making her pay for that later.” I giggled wildly when he lit up at the idea.
“You’re fucking terrible. You can’t wait to make her pay. You sick puppy. Into a little of the pleasure/pain, yeah, dear brother? Naughty boy. Charli is sweet as sugar; the best ones always are.” I wagged my brows at him, and he tossed his head back to laugh.
“Too bad I know for a fact Finn makes my rough stuff look tame as shit. Never took you for a rough stuff girl, Red. You like the romantics.” I laughed as he punched through the light.
“Oh, dear brother. Finn can be romantic as shit, then hurt me later. All in moderation. Moderation is key. Finn is skilled enough to know when to be romantic and when…I need something else.” Cage’s face twisted up a little, but he laughed again.
“This is different. Always gave me shit about my one and dones; I gave you shit about not getting any. It’s awkward as shit sometimes to know Finn is…the one giving you some. Doesn’t matter if it’s awkward. I see how happy you are, Red. How good you two are together. Finn’s like a new man, I’ve never seen him like this.”
“I love him, Cage. The way you love Charli. I might not have understood it, gotten what it meant…but I think I always loved Finn. At first, just like you. I thought you two were the coolest jerks ever. Then, one day…I don’t even remember when, I looked at him and it was different. I think we had to go through the shit we did for us to know how good it really is. How lucky we are.” Cage reached a hand over and yanked at my braid again.
“We Coopers got lucky with love, didn’t we? Charli is amazing. I knew the minute I looked at her. I can’t imagine my life without her now. Now that I know what that’s like, I think you might be right. I believe you knew exactly when you thought you did.” Sighing, I glanced out at the flurries starting to pick up.
“I loved it, though. Having a crush. I thought that’s what it was. He’s so handsome and funny. Totally different from us. I liked hanging out with you guys, and he never treated me different. I thought it might go away once too. Then, one night…I just knew it was more.” Cage smiled at me as he carefully parked in the snow covered drive of the cottage he shared with Charli.
“I love him like a brother; he deserves someone good. Someone who loves him for the right reasons. Reasons even Finn doesn’t understand. I love Charli for things she doesn’t get; for the way she smells, the dimples at her back, her accent when she’s tired. How she makes a sandwich; cheese on the outside, meat in the middle. Shit I never thought might matter.” I thought about this as we sat in the truck, sharing a moment.
“Finn makes me coffee every day. Tastes the same every single time. Sings songs all the time; out of nowhere, he just starts singing. At night, every single night, he touches his nose to my hair to smell me. I love how grumpy he is when he wakes up. How he loves cartoons on Saturday mornings still. It’s the things that make them, them. Little parts that are just Finn. Just Charli. Just Cage. Just me.” Cage smiled at me, then sobered.
“I think he will be a good man for you. I’m proud of him for that night at the pub. I don’t think he will hurt you again, Red. If he does…remember all of that. His cartoons and his coffee and the little parts. Because they matter more than the mistakes.” Well, shit, Cage Cooper was doling out the wisdom tonight.
I didn’t argue because he was right. We headed inside, the place smelling amazing because Charli prepared her delicious pot roast. I jumped in and helped with potatoes and gravy. I didn’t think about the photos or Bree, or the heartache and panic they caused.
Instead, I told Charli about a new book I was dying to read by our favorite author. We laughed when Cage burned himself stealing a chunk of meat. For the rest of the night, I just existed with two of the most important people in my life.
When I started getting texts from an unknown number again, I tried to ignore them. By then, I was alone so it was hard, but I tried. I tried to ignore the next series of photos that came. Photos of Finn, head thrown back, ecstasy on his face.
The shots were from below, and I gasped when the last one came through. Finn’s cock deep in Bree’s throat; that one from above as if he had taken it. As if he wanted to memorialize the view of her on her knees, giving him head.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was out in the snow. Puffs of air, of precious oxygen I couldn’t seem to grasp, filled the night sky. I fell to the icy cement, gasping as pain rocked me. I didn’t need the details to know what the photos meant. Even though I was determined to not let Bree’s sabotage affect our movement, right then, it very much was.
Every time my eyes closed, I saw his cock in her mouth. That smirk on her face. Saw his hand cupping her jaw as she pleased him. That she tasted his skin, his mouth, knew what he sounded like and how he looked when he came made me sick. I was on my feet, tears blurring my vision as I stumbled through the snow.
It was late, but the streets were still busy. I had no destination in mind as I wove through the traffic. I walked for blocks before I realized I was heading home.
Away from Charli and Cage being perfectly in love.
Away from the place Finn would come to find me.
I needed to be alone. To let this tear me up where no one could see it. Where I didn’t need to pretend it didn’t change things. It burned. Fiery pain shot from my chest, where my heart thundered dully, all the way through me.
Down my limbs, all the way to my toes and fingers. My feet felt heavy. Leaden. My face was icy cold with tears, and I could barely breathe. I was a fucking mess, and I knew that is exactly what she wanted. Bree wanted to sit back and watch me fall apart. I was giving her just what she wanted.
“Fuck you, Bree.” I murmured to the icy night air.
Two blocks from the condo, I sat down on a snow-covered bench. I was a smart kid. Just didn’t play it smart with Finn. I never had.
If just once, I had thought about the pain, the heartbreak I might endure with Finn, I don’t know that we’d be together. I don’t know if Finn can give me the happily ever after I’m seeing Charli and Cage get. That the rest of my family got.
Then again, as much as I love the romantics like Cage said, I don’t know if that’s what I need. I had loved Bree, even when she hurt me. When she would go weeks without calling me.
Months sometimes.
Then grace me with a girl’s night out. Bree was a shitty friend and basically a shitty person. Why I loved her so hard and tried to keep her in my life for so long, I have no idea.
