Page 77 of Burn It Down
The family didn’t act different during dinner and I was thankful. I had not been lying about being nervous about that. I had been to dozens of Cooper family get togethers but, I never brought someone with me.
I couldn’t do that; not only because they were my family and I wouldn’t bring the types of girls I hung with home to them. But, I couldn’t do that to Gigi.
Like always, I sat beside her. Gigi sat between Cage and I one holiday and it had been the same ever since. Tonight, though, I slid my hand between her thighs, and traced my pinky over her bare lips. We behaved ourselves otherwise. Hard not to with Deacon just feet away, watching all his kids in love at the same time.
Tegan, the second oldest sister, would be marrying soon. Then, Cage and Charli; it sounded like they had a summer wedding planned. It was all the girls talked about before dinner.
Then, hopefully, it was Gigi’s turn. If my woman said yes, all the Cooper kids would be married by this time next year. Regan made an announcement after dinner that she and her husband Parker were expecting a baby.
I thought back to my comment in the back of the truck. About wanting to see Gigi pregnant. It was said in desperation; a need to make her stay with me. Seeing the girls giggle and gossip about the coming baby, I knew better.
I did want kids with her; of course I did. I wanted to see her sexy body pregnant. I wanted to watch her hold my child in her arms. I wanted a whole fucking life with her; tiny little nerdy Gigi’s and bad ass baby Finn’s sounded awesome.
“You two want kids, bro?” I asked Cage as we stood away from the ovary explosion inside.
“Fuck yeah. I want a ton of little Charli’s. Man. Maybe not, though,” He laughed, gazing at Charli, “I’d be in for hell with the boys. You think you and Gigi…. I mean…I never believed you might grow up to be that guy.” Cage sucked at the pricey cigar his father had handed each of us as we retreated to the deck.
“Me either. Now, though,” I sighed, watching her giggle with Charli, their arms laced together, “there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Nothing I won’t give her. I love the shit out of that woman. I don’t remember a time I didn’t. It was different, but…now...I’d love to have a family like yours, Cage. I didn’t know that shit existed till you guys.” Cage smiled and gave a squeeze at my shoulder.
“I am glad it's you, Finn. I questioned it once, but you know Gigi better than a lot of us. I thought you might dull that special thing about her. Instead,” Cage glanced at his fiancé and the love of my life, love beaming in his eyes, “man, she’s on fire with how special she is. Because of you. I don’t think anyone else could make her look that way, feel that way. It was always going to be you.” We peered out at the lake as we let the emotion settle a little.
“I am going to ask her on Christmas. To marry me. I’m standing up for you at your wedding. Will you do…will you do the same for me if she says yes, Cage?” Cage whirled his head around, a bright, dimpled grin cracking his face in half.
“Fuck, yes, bro. Gigi will say yes, Finn. No matter what your past is, no matter the hurt you cause someone who loves you the way she loves you, her answer will be yes. You hurt yourself too. Hopefully the biggest pain is over. You will fuck up, Finn. I will too. Charli will get hurt, and it will fucking kill me. You will hurt Gigi, and it’ll kill you too. It’s life.” I winced as I sucked at the cigar, thinking about this morning. About Bree’s claim.
“I don’t ever want to hurt her like I have all this time. I know I will again, but it won’t ever be the same kind of hurt. I promise you that.” This might be a lie if I figured out the truth about that claim.
The other men wandered over; Parker and Miles had bonded because of the closeness between Tegan and Regan. We talked about football and fires and nothing more about the ladies. It was chilly and snowing out but we stayed out, on that deck until our cigars were gone. It felt good to feel a part of something like that.
I was terrified of losing Gigi, but I also didn’t want to think of losing this family. I would if I lost her. Not because they would cast me out, though it was a possibility. Because if I lost her, I would have to walk away. I knew that now more than ever.
To have her the way I did now, I couldn't go back. In fact, I refused to consider Gigi having a before and after that involved me. I knew I couldn’t handle another after Gigi.
The only after I wanted with her was a Happily Ever After.
