Page 7 of Burn It Down
Which meant Cage’s condo would be empty. The condo I stayed at more often than my dorm. I did hate the dorms. I hated school right now, period. I wasn’t sure my major was right for me. I thought it was too late to change my mind now. My hesitation was, of course, Finn. I didn't know if I could deal with being so close to him again.
We had not spoken since the night Cage caught us and told me the filthy truth about Finn. About the way he fucked girls at the bar like it was a God damn sex show. How he suggested Cage lie about Ariel, the whore badge bunny they had both taken a turn with.
“Of course, it matters, dear brother. I’d have to watch him bring home girls again. Right in front of me.” I doubted he would do that really; Finn was a lot of things but the unthinking, unfeeling man whore he pretended to be once, he was not.
“Come on, Gigi. You know him better than that. Look I’m pissed too. He didn’tmakeme lie to Charli. I did it because I thought the truth would hurt her more. I’m pissed he lied to me about you. I don’t know where your head is at with him right now. But I mean, Red... it’s Finn.” I rolled my eyes and shoved away from the table, going to refill my coffee.
“You know two months ago, you told me not to believe a word he said. You told me to stay away from him. That he made you look like a God damn choir boy. So, dear brother, which version of Finn do you want me to buy?” My hand was shaking as I poured too much sugar into the coffee.
“I mean, Red... you’re my kid sister. It’s my job to look out for you; Finn, the way he was then, is not what I wanted for you. But you know what? I was that guy once too. Maybe not as bad, but I did the same shit. I didn’t have the same emptiness to fill that Finn does. You know that. You know...I mean, we both know he literally doesn’t know better.” I snorted and sat beside the table, setting my coffee between us.
“Please. Don’t make excuses for him being a God damn whore. Yeah, his family was a shit show, but I mean...we were his family too. None of us,” I smirked at him and rubbed his shoulder, “besides you for a hot minute, have the questionable morals he does. If he has any at all.” We both knew that wasn’t true but it felt good to say it.
“Red, that is bullshit. Look, I believe we made a difference in his life. We offered him a different idea of what a family can be like. Doesn’t mean his conditioning at home, with the shit show you mentioned, isn’t still a part of him. Finn...he tried with you, didn’t he?” I took a sip of the coffee, burning my tongue and wincing before I answered.
“Define tried? Because, I mean, letting me play his damn house wife for a few weeks so he could get in my pants doesn’t count as trying. Not to me. Telling you that he wanted to be with me. Telling you that night that it was more than just what you saw when you found us. That would have felt like trying to me.” I looked away when his face went soft, tears stinging my eyes.
“Gigi,” Cage let out a sigh and covered my hand with his, “I don’t think it was all that you’re pretending it was. Finn’s a fucking mess too, Red. Just like you are.” I rolled my eyes, tears slipping from my eyes before I swiped them away.
“A mess? Meaning, what, exactly? He hasn’t stuck his dick in someone else yet? Hoo-fucking-ray for him. Bastard.” It would kill me when he did move on, but I knew he would.
“First, language Red. Jesus fuck, the mouth you got on you! Second, you know you will be moving into my place, so you know you will run into him. If you can’t fake it in front of me, how do you plan to do it in front of Finn?” Just then his phone radio went off, a page from work for a call and he leapt to his feet.
“Be careful. Let me think about it.” Cage pressed a kiss atop my head and was out the door.
“Hey, Gigi,” He popped his head back in, dimple flashing, “for the record, no, he has not stuck his dick in anyone else. No one since before I got with Charli. Want to know how I know? The badge bunnies at the pubs talk, but so do the guys at the station. Later, Red.” Well, shit.
That got me wondering. Got me thinking about him, just like Cage had meant it to. I picked up my phone and went to the messages. Dozens of them from Finn. Starting moments after Cage had caught us that night. Stopping just days ago. I read every single one of them. But I never responded.
Finn broke my fucking heart. Not that he knew it was his to break, exactly. I trusted him more than I should have. Which, really, wasn’t his fault. Finn never promised me a single thing. Then again, giving me a key to his place, spending every moment we could together for two months kind of alluded to promises. Pausing at the last message, my eyes watered again.
Finn:I fucking miss you, Sweet Girl. I can smell you in my sheets. I never meant to hurt you. I knew I would because that’s what the fuck I do. I should never have touched you. I’m not sorry I did. I’m just sorry I didn’t say all the shit I should have when you needed me to say it. I won’t text or call or stop you in the hall again. You deserve better than me. Even though I tried to be better for you; I fucking tried. I just don’t know how to do things right for you. I hope you don’t regret it, Gigi. I wish I knew how to make it work. I’m so fucking sorry, Sweet Girl.
It hurt, but it pissed me off too. Finn had texted and called, leaving a few drunken voicemails, in the weeks since that night. Besides that, he had left me alone. Had not tried to catch me in the hall, or come to my dorm, or really anything that resembled him trying.
That’s how I knew him keeping his dick in his pants didn’t mean a thing. Because if he wanted me, he would have fought for me. We didn’t even fight it out. I left that night and that was it. Finn pounded on the door for a while but I told him to get lost. So, he did.
Scooping my coffee up, I left the cottage and headed for Cage’s condo. I wanted to talk to him. Tell Finn just what I thought of his cowardly exit. He fucked me when he knew I had feelings for him. It was obvious for years. Pretended for a few months that maybe he did too. Then it gets sticky and he bails? Of course, he does. The coward.
By the time I reached the condo, I was furious. I stomped up the stairs, my heels clacking on the hardwood and pounded at his door. I realize the I don’t even know if he’s home; Cage is on call, Finn likely is too. Just as I spin to let myself into Cage’s place, I feel him. I don’t hear the door open or the sound of him stepping close. I just feel him.
“Gigi,” He’s close against me, hands on my hips, lips at my ear, “please wait.” Finn is huge and hard and I feel him everywhere. I shudder and he shoves closer, pinning me to Cage’s door.
“I... I just had something to say.” I don’t get to say it because his mouth is at my ear. This is not what I expected after three weeks of silence.
“Shh, let me talk, please. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell the whole fucking world we were together.” Suddenly, his hands are on my skin, shoving beneath my sweatshirt, burning me.
“Finn, stop,” I can’t think when he touches me and he knows it, “I need to say something.” Finn ignores me, his hands changing paths; one shoves up, the other moves down.
“I miss you, Gigi. Come talk to me. Please.” The way he’s pressed against me pins me to the door and my hands fly out, flattening against it.
“No, Finn,” I moan though because his huge hand shoves between my breasts, “we can talk right here.” I know I can’t risk going to his place; that’s where it all started.
“Please, Sweetheart,” His mouth is hot at my ear as he cradles me close, “I need to fix what I fucked up.” I shake my head but he just moves in, kissing and sucking at my skin, making me shudder.
“No fucking way. You’re a fucking liar. A filthy fucking liar.” Still, I let him touch me; let him shove his hands into my yoga pants.
“I never fucking lied to you, Gigi. Fuck, Sweetheart, let me fix it. I need to feel you again. Please.”What in the actual fuck?How does he do this to me?
