Page 47 of Burn It Down
“What if I’m not done? What if I think I deserve a second chance too? You gave this jerk Finn countless chances.” I raised a brow as he paced in front of the cooler, watching me with wide eyes.
“What do you know about Finn and I? What has Bree told you?” I didn’t recall sharing any info with Jordan about Finn.
In the brief time we saw one another outside of class, I never even spoke Finn’s name. Let alone discussed our complex relationship. An unsettling feeling rooted itself in my stomach.
A tangled mess that wove its way through all the time I’d spent with Jordan. His gentle persistence when he dropped me off each time. That grew less gentle each time. All the things he knew about me that I knew I had never shared.
“Nothing. I’m smarter than you, Gigi. I don’t need you to tell me shit for me to figure it out.” Well, that was rude. It was the icy tone he snapped it in that shot my back straight up.
“I’m sorry if you think you know about Finn and I. You don’t. I’m sorry you expected more out of a few lunches. I won’t be seeing you outside of class. I am with Finn, I was never truly not with Finn, but I never lied to you or to him. It was complicated, like I said. I’m sorry, Jordan.” I started to turn away when I felt his fingers tangling in the ends of my long hair.
“See you in class, Gigi Cooper.” Jordan leaned over the counter top, making as if he were going to kiss me goodbye.
“Jordan. No!” I whipped my head back, yanking my hair from his fingers.
Jordan just smiled as he backed away, tipping his cup of steaming coffee towards me in goodbye. I frowned after him, absolutely unsettled. I wanted to tell Finn because I thought he should know.
At the same time, it was done. I had told him we wouldn’t be seeing each other again. Even if Finn hadn’t asked me to drop the class, after that little exchange, I certainly planned to.
No matter how I tried, I couldn’t shake the unease that Jordan had left me with.
After I helped Mags close up the shop, we chatted with Gina out front about the coming parade. We stayed away from the topic of my episodes earlier. I was still on edge and hadn’t heard from Finn since our brief talk.
It wasn’t late, but I knew better than to wait around for him during a shift. I learned that the hard way after making meals that got cold long before he showed his face. I didn’t blame him, but I had since adjusted to it.
Since I had blown off class—again--I knew I had little choice but to drop the writing class. I’d planned to anyway after today. Frustration filled me because I was so far into my college years and had no idea what I wanted to be.
I originally wanted to be a copy editor or a freelance copywriter. I had a love of the written word, but wasn’t exactly talented with it myself. While I couldn’t rule out that future entirely, I didn’t have a passion for it.
As I walked towards the L, considering what Ididhave a passion for, I felt uneasy still. Worse, like it was not just settled in my belly, but creeping everywhere else. Then it suddenly melted away because I felt him. Finn crossed the street from my L stop, smiling at me in the light snow.
Damn, he was beautiful. I probably noticed more than I should. I mean, I did love him for more than his looks. But, damn.
I loved how big and powerful he was. How safe he made me feel. Suddenly, I realized since that this afternoon, I had felt unsafe for the first time I could remember. That unease let go of me as Finn headed for me, tipping his head towards the falling snow.
“You look fucking beautiful in the snow, Sweetheart. Sorry I was late; I wanted to pick you up. Did you forget your surprise?” I realized as he asked that I had, in fact, forgotten.
“Finn. It’s freezing. What are you wearing?” Finn’s handsome face cracked into a bright grin.
Though he had a stocking cap on, he was in just a thermal shirt that fit to each of the massive curves and dips of his muscles. Dark washed jeans that were snug on his thick thighs were wet where they hung over his motorcycle boots. Damn. When he laughed, a pouf a cold breath filled the air, and I shivered at the sound.
“You know I’m like a space heater, baby. What areyouwearing?” Finn tipped his head towards my clothes, lifting his left brow sky high.
“Weather appropriate clothes, Finn.” I felt hot underneath his stare as it raked over me.
Though I liked to dress up when it was called for, I was a casual girl. Being almost 6 foot with legs I was proud of, it wasn’t easy finding the right fit. I paired cute jeans or short skirts with nerdy quote sweaters or unique vintage tops.
Finn seemed to find me as becoming in the jeans and sweaters as when I put in some work. Today, I had done no such thing. Just boyfriend jeans that fit my thick Uggs, and a gray sweatshirt that read “Keep Calm and Read Another Book”.
Unlike Finn, I had on a thick army jacket that paired well with the green boots on my feet. My hands were freezing, and he reached out, wrapping both in one of his large hands. I shivered, and not from the cold, when he yanked once.
It was the first touch we’d shared since that first snowfall. When he had pinned me to the tree, and I told him to fuck me on the street. My thighs clenched, and I let out a sound into his chest.
“Mmm…fuck, I missed you. You smell so Goddamn good. You okay, Sweet Girl? After everything today? The past few weeks?” Finn stood back, shoving my hands to his chest and cupping my face in his hands.
“I’m good. I miss you. I’m hurt and angry, and still a little confused.” I sighed, and he bowed his head, touching his forehead to mine.
“I’m so fucking sorry I caused you so much pain. It kills me. I know I don’t deserve a second chance. Or is it my third?” Finn smirked, and I fought it, but couldn’t help the crooked smile I shot back.
