Page 40 of Burn It Down
If I was good enough, if I was all he wanted, why did he wait so long? Why didn’t he tell Cage he wanted me the night we were caught? Why did he give up so easily? Why did he push me away just when I thought we had figured it out? How could he still make me feel like I wasn’t enough?
“You look gorgeous.” Jordan’s husky voice shook me from my endless questions.
“Jordan. Can you take me home?” My voice sounded hollow.
We had just arrived at the theatre, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sit here and think about Finn, while pretending I was interested in Jordan’s company. It was fair to zero percent of those of us involved here.
“Uh…we just got here, Gigi.” I sighed and shoved to my feet, unable to pretend.
“I just…I’m not in the mood for theatre.” I started to apologize and leave him there, but he was on his feet, holding his elbow out.
“No worries, Gorgeous. I will see you home. We can have some coffee and talk.” Talk. Coffee.Did I want that? Did I want Jordan to take me home?
I didn’t know what I wanted, other than wanting to be home. To risk the chance of running into Finn so I could get my answers. Didn’t matter if Jordan took me or I walked. I needed to be home.
Jordan held my hand as he helped me into his Mini Cooper. I pressed my face against the cool glass, not ready to answer his questions. I had too many of my own. Why couldn’t I just want someone else? Why did Finn have to tell me it had been just me?
“You doing okay, Gorgeous?” Jordan asked, his hand at my bare knee. I nodded and covered his hand, then gently moved it towards the console.
“Yeah. Sorry, Jordan. I just…” I had no reasons for my change of heart; not ones that wouldn’t bring more questions.
Jordan had been sweet and mostly patient while I tried. Barely tried, but still tried. I knew he wanted more than lunch dates and walks in the park. Tonight was my first attempt at something that resembled a real date. Without meaning to, Finn had wrecked it.
Then again, maybe he had meant to. Maybe Finn could sense me finally trying and couldn’t stand the idea. As fucked up as it sounds, that pleased me. I wanted him to have questions too.
Finn should wonder what I was doing with Jordan. If I was kissing his pretty mouth, or letting him slip his fingers between my legs. Like I had been forced to wonder just what he was doing with the randoms he paraded right in front of me.
Was he fucking them? Or just letting them taste his huge cock? My thighs clenched as I thought about the last time I’d tasted him myself. Then I thought about how many women had gotten the same treat.
It was wrong and petty, but I wanted Finn to watch me bring a man home. See how that twist of a knife felt in his heart. I knew it well. Coffee with the pretty motherfucker it was.
It was a bad idea. I knew it the minute we stepped onto the stairs leading up to my place. I could feel Finn was home. I had wanted that, right? Wanted to parade my pretty motherfucker in front of him.
Instead, I went cold because I heard him too. Heard him talking with someone; and the voice that answered was one I knew well. Bree. I seethed with rage and moved faster up the stairs, Jordan rushing after me.
“…a date with that pretty motherfucker. Doesn’t change shit, Bree. That fucker could be on his knees begging for her pussy, I don’t care. Gigi is my woman. You need some lessons in girl code. Throwing your pussy at your girl’s man is breaking every one of them.” I slowed my pace, Jordan crashing into me.
“Finn. You want to fuck up. Because that’s what you do. My pussy is waiting for your cock to do what you do. Fuck me up too. Gigi is sweet, and we both love her. Sweet as sugar is all Gigi will ever be. Think you need hotter than melting sugar.” I was literally going to kill the bitch, if Finn didn’t do it first.
“Gigi is hotter than you can imagine, Bree. I might fight it up, that is what I do. Get this straight--I. Belong. To. Gigi. My cock does what it does to her honey sweet pussy and no one else’s. Do me a favor. Stay the fuck away from my woman if all you want to do is hurt her. I’ll fucking end you before I let you hurt her more than I already did with my bullshit. Stay away from my woman.” Bree started to coo and plead as I reached the hallway.
I didn’t need to show Jordan off anymore, but it was too late. Finn saw him before I could send him away. Or tell him I had heard every word and that we had both tried to fuck this up plenty.
I’d done damage too. I had let him back in but not really. I let him fuck me without promises. Without telling him how much I loved him. Had loved him. Wouldalwayslove him. Instead, I let him make fucking this up too easy and I never fought for us.
As I watched, Finn crumbled right in front of my eyes. The fiery burn in his beautiful eyes dimmed when he saw Jordan. Watched me leading him towards my place. Pain replaced the heat from his exchange with Bree. Bree gaped at us as the world slowed down.
Before I could say a word, Finn yanked Bree inside his place and shoved her behind him. I knew he did it out of pain. I knew we would dance around the truth tonight.
Not tomorrow, and not again after. Lies were doing nothing but burning us both up. Consuming and engulfing what could be so beautiful. Jordan started to greet Bree, but Finn cut him off.
“Remember who has your keys, Gigi.” Then he slammed the door in my face.
Ten minutes later, I was making coffee with shaking hands. A stupid grin was on my face because I heard Finn’s door slam shut seconds after I let Jordan and me into my place.
I tracked Bree once again; on the L headed downtown. Jordan was quiet, and I knew he sensed something was up. I didn’t care. All I owed him was some coffee and once I was ready, the truth. That I had tried him on and he didn’t fit.
“I thought, maybe,” Jordan grumbled when I saw him out another ten minutes later, “we might talk a little longer. Gigi, you seem kind of all over the place.” Jordan glanced over his shoulder at the door behind him.
“I kind of was. I’m not now. It’s complicated. Except, it’s not really. Really, it’s totally fucking simple just, but we made it really complicated. It’s what we do. Good night, Jordan. Thank you for a lovely evening.” It had been a disaster, but I didn’t care about that either.
In bed, I was still smiling because I had located Finn too. Twenty feet away, in his bed alone. Because I held his fucking keys, too.
