Page 32 of Burn It Down
“Not untrue.” It was a slow day, but I wasn’t really ready for male bonding with my house captain. Especially if it included talking about Gigi.
“You think…I mean, you think you’re a good idea for that kid? I know her, known her almost as long as you because of Deacon. Girl has a good head on her shoulders. Smart, though not as smart as I thought, to hook up with your stupid ass. I don’t know. I know Cage had his reasons, but have you thought about her at all in this? Thought about the shit show our life can be?” Well, fuck. Apparently, Hunterwasin the mood for bonding.
“I know you speak from experience. A shitty one too, I know. I have thought about it. I know I’m no fucking good for her. I have told her this multiple times. I can’t explain it. I can’t even function right if I think about not being with her. You saw how well it went when I tried. I’d give it up, though; I’d walk away from the station, from whatever I needed to if that’s what it took.” Hunter’s dark eyes flew up and he let out a low whistle.
“No shit? Man, dropping like flies around this place. Depressing as shit.” Hunter let out a laugh, but to my ears it sounded pained.
“Call it what you want. Gigi is it for me. I kind of think she always was, I just needed to fuck up to realize it. Right now, I need her to be sure I’m it for her. Giving her some time to figure it out. My feelings haven’t changed. I don’t think they could if I tried. I fucking tried.”
Without Gigi telling me, I knew her pretty boy professor wanted her. They had flirted a few times right in front of me before we started seeing each other. At the time, I thought Gigi was doing it to make me jealous.
Fuck knows I dangled enough of my bunnies in her face for too long. There was something more there, as much as it pained me to realize. The guywasright for her; way more fucking right than I ever could be.
As if he sensed the troubles between us, it seemed he had swooped in. Gigi admitted to me yesterday he wanted her. That she had considered wanting him. Fuck, that killed a part of me. Gigi had never wanted anyone else. Since she knew what it was to want someone, it had been me.
Even on her fucking prom night, her date looked like a second-hand version of me. If I had my way, I’d be the only man she ever wanted. That wasn’t fair to her, though. If she wanted him, I wanted her to find out what that could mean.
Would fucking kill me to consider her thinking about another man. I knew damn well my woman wouldn’t let someone else fuck her. Or taste her. I knew last night when I fucked her savagely and told her she was mine.
Gigi didn’t know what she wanted, but she knew I owned that part of her. The sweetness between her legs was mine and mine only. I didn’t want to share any part of her with anyone, but I had to let her figure this out.
Gigi was fucking brilliant, Hunter wasn’t wrong about that. Into books and music and art and shit I knew nothing about. Someone like her pretty professor would be able to share that with her. Would take her on actual fucking dates. To fancy places his salary could afford. I wanted every part of Gigi, but I didn’t want her give up shit to give it all to me.
“Think that’s smart? To just step away just when you almost got her back?” Hunter asked as he finished his beer, spinning the top between his fingers.
“Probably not. I’m kind of a fucking idiot about this shit. I’m not going anywhere. I will wait however long she needs to let her figure out what she really wants. Someone like Gigi, totally fucking worth the wait.” I considered what she might be doing while I waited and had to block it out. I couldn’t think about it and make it through the day.
Fate seemed to agree as the alarms went off and we rushed down to the trucks. Adrenaline pumped through me, my thoughts of Gigi settling into the background. They were always there, but I knew when I had to focus.
Stepping into my gear and smirking at Cage who groggily ran in beside me, I knew it was that time. We bumped our forearms against each other’s and shared a smile. Welivedfor this shit.
“What’s up bro-tato-chip? Late night with the missus?” Cage wiggled his brows, his eyes were blazing with emotions.
“Early morning is more like it. Been quiet today, bro-seph?” He asked as we charged for the trucks we were assigned to, pulling his suspenders over his shoulders.
“Unfortunately for us, yes. Fortunately for the rest of Chicago, I guess. You two all settled like lovebirds in your little nest?” We climbed onto the truck as it sailed from the station.
“Abso-fuckin-lutely. I love having her to go home to, man. Nothing else like that feeling. Knowing my girls at home waiting for me. Jesus, fuck, does something to my shit every time.” Once, I might have given him shit but now, I was just happy for him.
“Yeah, man,” I sighed because once, for a short time, I knew what that felt like, “I bet it makes the aftershock different now.” We coined that phrase, Aftershock, after our first few serious fires.
There’s a moment after a rescue or a fire, or whatever call we’re where it happens. Everything goes quiet; the raging fire, the crowd surging on an accident, everything. You hear nothing and for a few seconds, feel nothing.
If you still want to do it, feel that need to press forward, you know you’re still alive. Know you’re still up to jump into the shit. Having a woman, a life waiting for you, a family like some of the guys was like an anchor in those moments.
“Shit, yes, it does. How’s uh…how’s shit with Red?” The nickname had taunted Gigi for her propensity to blush; I just thought of her flushed after I made her come and almost groaned.
Fuck, there was nothing like how my woman looked after she came. Gigi had all that dark hair, which smelled like freesia and fresh air, and soft pale skin. Those bright dual colored eyes, which flashed different colors every time I touched her differently.
When I made her come, she flushed pink from her cheeks down to her tits, the soft pink of her nipples darkening. Fuck, it was the hottest shit I’d ever seen and could make me hard even after I had come.
“Notasfucked up, but still kind of fucked up.” We both sighed and as we rode to the call, I explained everything.
“Finn, man…I think you’re doing the right thing. I know you’re crazy about Gigi,” Cage seemed to be on board completely now and I couldn’t be more relieved, “I don’t want to see either of you hurt though. Gigi could hurt you too. I mean, man she ripped your fucking heart out a few weeks ago. Both of you need to heal first, you know?” I nodded as we pulled up to a small fire at a flour mill on the outskirts of town.
“I want her to find out for herself if I’m what she wants. I don’t know what the fuck I’ll do if I’m not,” I admitted as we hopped off, my adrenaline spiking both from the smell of smoke and fire and the idea of that, “I barely lasted a few weeks without her talking to me. If Gigi wants someone else…really wants someone else, I don’t know how I can sit back and watch that.” I hadn’t really thought this out, and I realized that as I admitted this.
“I know. I know, bro.” Cage gave a squeeze at my shoulder and nodded towards the fire.
