Page 28 of Burn It Down
Bree was giving him all she had beside me. Fluttering her pretty eyes at him, smiling and laughing when it was appropriate. Often, even when it wasn’t. It was painful to witness, really.
It struck me again how annoyed I seem with just about everything she did. Popping her gum again, Bree wiggled her brows at me before making her eyes go big. Jesus. Was this a college classroom or junior high?
As he led the class, calling on everyone but me to read their piece, his eyes were on me often. Jordan really was handsome. A counterpart to Finn; dark where he was light, clean shaven where he was scruffy, a sweet smile when Finn’s was full of mischief. I let myself wonder for a moment, listening to other students’ tales of romance, what being with someone like him would be like.
There would still be hiding, being as he was my teacher. Jordan was a few years older than Finn, so I figured he had a little more life experience.
Instead of Netflix and take out followed by hours of sex, I imagined nights out to fancy restaurants and drives in his Mini Cooper around the loop. Going out to museums and talking about books. That did it. Suddenly, I was finding my breathing a little labored as I met his gaze.
Jordan seemed to realize he was in my thoughts by the sweet smile he sent my way. Then I wondered if I was in his the same. If he wondered about nice dinners out followed by me pinned to the wall of his loft downtown.
There was a fire in his lovely eyes when he searched mine, and I squirmed in my seat. My skin felt flushed, and I knew I was doing a shit job at hiding my train of thought. My phone vibrated, breaking the stare we had going on.
Finn:I don’t want to push you. I don’t want to fuck it up again. I can’t take it if I lose you again, Sweetheart. I meant what I said. My cock is locked up. When you want it or any part of me, just tell me. I’ll make time for you or wait around for you. Whatever you need this time. I just…losing you then getting to have you yesterday is fucking with my head, Gigi.
Before I could respond--although how do you respond to that--class ended. We gathered our bags and headed towards the dais, where Jordan was acting busy with papers.
Just as we passed, his sweet scent filling my lungs, Jordan reached out. The room was empty, and Bree was already in the hall. No one saw his soft hand slip around my waist and tug. My skin went hot all over, and I let him bring me close.
“Beautiful Gigi,” His voice was low and he talked to the empty room behind me, “You drive me crazy. I don’t know how I function with you sitting just feet away. I want to see you away from here.” Jordan’s words felt hot and heavy in the air between us.
“Professor…I don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides, I kind of have…well, I’m seeing someone.” My eyes fluttered closed as his hand shoved beneath my top, fingers digging into my waist.
“Gigi,” Jordan pressed close, his words warm at my ear, fluttering my hair, “I’m aware you might be seeing someone. I just need to clarify something: I’m very interested in you, Gigi Cooper. More than I probably should be. Last week…it did nothing but fan the flames of what I feel about you. I want you, Gigi Cooper.” I needed to move, to stop him from touching me. I didn’t though, and I don’t know why.
Then, he laced his fingers in my hair, mussing my already messy topknot. Despite his words and the flattery they were laced with, it felt wrong. I was burning with something I didn’t know how to name.
I thought of Finn and how many other women he had held this way, and pain coursed through me. Like a fool, I leaned into him, let him tug my head closer. Our eyes held, and I wondered if he saw the confusion in mine. I saw none in his.
Just need and a fire that lit his eyes up.Did I want this? Did I truly like the feel of him pressing against me? Or was that heat guilt? Was I just angling to hurt Finn?Was I just trying to prove someone else could want me, and be right for me?
Jordan pressed closer, and I felt his want hard and thick against my belly. A groan ripped from his throat when I pressed closer, curiously. I'd never let someone really show they wanted me. It was fascinating to experience.
“Jordan…” Students began filling in for the next class, and he was gone.
Thankfully, Bree had headed to her next class, so I had no questions to answer. Well, I had plenty to answer for myself.Why had I let him touch me? What had he seen, felt? What exactly were Finn and I right now?
Instead of heading to my liberal arts class, which I was flunking despite my best effort, I cut out for the day. It was bitterly cold so I stopped by my favorite coffee shop on the way to my L stop.
The double shot of espresso did little to help me process what I was thinking and feeling. Jordan certainly was someone plenty of people could want. I thought once, briefly, that I could.
In that way you want the hot upperclassmen when you’re a freshman; just because you think you should. Because everyone else does. Jordan was more intense lately, as if he sensed my confusion gave him a green light somehow.
Strange thing was, I didn’t hate the idea of nights out with Jordan Dexter. I knew we could connect on a different level than Finn and I did. Not to say I didn’t connect with Finn. Just perhaps in different ways than I could with someone like Jordan.
Finn was smart, but the kind of smart that came from all the wrong experiences. We had little in common really. Regardless, he was interested in what I was just because I was. He listened to my book and museum rants, even if he had no clue about either.
I had no doubts I could never connect with someone the same way I did Finn. There was nothing like what we had. Lying in his big bed in the dark, we didn’t even talk sometimes, and yet, it felt like we were saying so much.
Finn felt like the other half of me, but I wondered if that was simply because that’s all I knew. More confused than ever, I was dragging by the time I reached my condo. I needed to talk to Finn, to tell him about Jordan.
Me:I miss you, baby. Can we have dinner in at my place? I am so fucked up right now; I need to talk to you, Finn.
Finn:I miss you too. Be there soon as I can, Sweetheart. I’m on call, but it’s been slow today. I need to see my woman.
There it was. What I needed to hear. I was his, even if right now, I wasn’t ready to be. Even if the idea of someone else wanting me intrigued me.
I had never really wanted anyone else, even if I should have. It had always been Finn. Just when I felt better about things, I realized Bree was waiting at my door. Looking to be bursting with questions. Of course.
