Page 19 of Burn It Down
“God damn, you’re so hot when you come. Turn all pink and pretty. So beautiful, Sweet Girl.” We both shifted in our otherwise empty beds.
“I...I’m sorry, Finn. I just.…” Finn smiled the smile I felt was just for me.
“I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, Gigi. Tell me you meant what you said. We’re locking shit up for now. Please tell me you meant it.” I heard the pain in his voice, saw it in his lovely eyes, and my tears fell.
“I did. I shouldn’t. I’m so confused. So hurt about how things ended. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I don’t want to think about you with anyone else. Finn...I can’t make you promise to wait for me to figure shit out.”
“Yes, you can. I’d do anything you wanted. Gigi...Sweetheart, I haven’t touched another woman or wanted to since you. I won’t. I don’t even need you to promise the same. Just know my dick is locked up...all of me is locked up, and no one else but you will change that. I don’t need you to ask or for you to promise the same. I don’t want anyone else. Just you.”Well, shit.How did he figure out the right things to say now?
“Finn...I’m moving into Cage’s place. Can we...I mean, can you let me figure out where my head is at? With me so close?” Finn smirked that sexy smirk that always made me wet, and we both laughed.
“Gigi, I can promise you lots of things. I can’t promise to be a good boy with my woman across the hall. I will do my best. Because I want you. I shouldn’t. I should just let you go. Let you figure out who you are without me there fucking it up for you and making it harder. I should, right? Gigi, should I just let you go?” I was shocked to hear the heaviness in his voice, see the glittering of tears in his eyes.
“We both know it’s not that easy. If it was, this wouldn’t be so fucking hard. I don’t want to hurt you. I just know...thinking about you not being a part of my life or you with someone else...rips my fucking heart out. You hurt me. I hurt you too, though. I just walked.” I realized we never even talked about that night; I never gave him a chance.
“Broke my fucking heart, Sweet Girl. I fucked up, but I do that all the time. You watched me fuck up for half my life. You still wanted me. Then you just didn’t anymore.” Finn shoved his thick hair back into a tiny bun and let out a frustrated noise.
“I’m so sorry. You should let me go. I should let you go. No promises of locking shit up. It’s not fair.” Panic pulsed through me.Why did I say that?Clearly, I didn’t want to walk away from him. Even if I should.
“I will if you want me to. Only if you look at me and tell me you truly want me gone from your life. I would go. I’d leave everything to walk away so we didn’t hurt like this.” Just like that I knew; I was the one who was breaking our hearts.
“Don’t. Please. I can’t...Finn, I can’t breathe when I think about you not being part of me. I’m fucking confused and hurt and so angry at you. I should have been good enough for you.” We were both crying, and it hurt to put myself out there but damn it felt good to talk to him at last.
“Oh, Gigi. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Best fucking thing in my life. I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want them to tell you I wasn’t good enough for you. Because I fucking am not. I didn’t lie because of Cage, not really. At first, maybe. Then...I didn’t want it to end, Gigi. I wanted you for keeps and I knew it could never happen. I’m so sorry you ever thought I was lying for any other reason than to make sure I got to keep you a little longer.” Finn spoke softly, voice husky and full of regret and pain. I hurt him just as much as he hurt me.
“Cage had you giving up on us before we ever had a chance. Me too, I guess. Constantly telling us to stay away from each other. Telling you I was too good for you. Telling me you would never be good enough for me. I wanted you anyway. Because Finn, I happen to think you are good for me. Should never have mattered what my family thought. To you or to me.” Finn sighed and shook his head, smiling gently.
As I watched, he snuggled into my side of the bed, and I realized he was using my old pillow. I smiled because I was doing the same without even realizing it. We missed this. We missed us.
“Don’t...uh…don’t let me go, Finn. Just let me...figure shit out. I don’t want to let you go. I don’t even know if I can let you go. I won’t ask you to lock your dick up,” I giggled and he laughed, and my chest felt less achy, “I can promise you my pussy is locked up though. Pretty sure you are the only person who ever had the key to it.” Finn let out a growl that I felt in said pussy.
“God damn right. Keep that sweetness locked up for me. You don’t need to ask, I told you. It just is what it is. Guess you got the key to my dick too. You don’t come unless I tell you that you can, you understand?” We both smiled when I nodded, always obeying. “good girl. Orgasms are locked up too. For us both. I won’t let you go. I fucking should walk away, but I won’t. I can’t either, Sweetheart.” The more he talked, the more that ache in my chest seemed to ease.
“I should go. I need to study; might have skipped most my classes today.” I decided it best not to tell him about Jordan. Not yet, anyway, since it was really nothing.
“Bad girl. I need to head in to the station soon. Sweetheart,” He sighed as he got up and headed, still naked, to his bathroom, “you don’t have to give me anything more. I’m good with today. But, I mean...if you want to talk to me. Or text me. Or let me make you come again, please feel free to do all the above. I miss having you to talk to.” I did too, so I told him that.
We talked a little while longer, and I was achy in a different way as I watched him step into the shower. I had flashes of him pinning me to that shower wall, both of us soapy as he pounded into me. Finn indeed held the key to my lady parts; they hummed as I watched his muscles tighten and bunch as he moved.
Damn, the man was like a fucking God. I had to let him go before I allowed a second round that might leave me non-functioning. I really did have to study, even if I could barely focus after that talk with him. My head was all over the place, but I knew one thing.
Finn held the key to more than one part of me.
