Page 95 of Beautiful Secrets
“I mean…I have to pee.”
He looks like he wants to curse but perhaps he remembers that I’m pregnant because he decides to say, “Couldn’t have gone before we left?”
“I did.”
His jaw bunches, but he ducks his head to stare out the windshield like he is looking for a turnoff. That should have made me happy, but instead I am even more pissed off.
He is the perfect gentlemen—until he remembers who I am. If my name had been anything but Mika Vasiliev, this would all have been different.
Cole flicks on his indicator. For a moment, I think he will park on the side of the road like the other cars we have passed. But he exits the freeway.
Rain hammers on the roof of the car and splashes onto the chassis beneath us.
I cannot hold back anymore. He has nowhere to go, so perhaps no choice but to answer my question.
“Was it just fucking?” I ask.
Cole’s chin dips down, but he doesn’t say anything.
I twist in my seat, scowling at him. “Answer me.”
He narrows his eyes, but still doesn’t look at me. “What the hell did you expect was going to happen here, Mika?”
I do not care for the way he says my name. Not. One. Bit. Like I am some kid who is exasperating him past what he can endure.
He pulls into a picnic spot. Not a very popular one, judging from the paint peeling off the metal bench and the tall grass. Even the oak trees need a trim.
Cole parks under the trees. It shields us a little from the rain, but there is still the oddplinkas accumulated drops fall onto the roof of the car.
If I didn’t so desperately need to pee, I would have carried on arguing with him. Instead, I open my door and go behind the tree.
As soon as my bladder is relieved, I tug up my yoga pants and go back to the car.
I should apologize. I think it was the irritation from having a full bladder that made me want to pick a fight with Cole.
And as soon as I’m strapped into the passenger seat, Cole turns to face me.
“You didn’t answer me,” he says.
“About what?”
“Did you think you’d open your legs and I’ll suddenly stake everything to get you to Russia?” He ignores my scandalized gasp and taps a finger against his temple. “How does your mind work?”
“I was not speaking of Russia. I mean…” I shake my head. “The moment I told you—” I lay a hand over my belly “—it was like a switch.” I click my fingers in front of his nose. “Why? I disgust you now that I carry child?”
And his lip curls up as if I hit the nail right on the head.
“I told you the first day I met you, little rabbit.” When he sticks out a hand and pushes a chunk of hair behind my ear, I tremble at his touch. “I’m fucked in the head.” He snatches up the orange bottle from the console and gives them a hard rattle. “I got my pills, of course. They keep me…” He inhales through his nose, breathes warm air over my face, and then tosses the pills back. “Calm. But ever since I met you, it’s like they stopped working.”
He looks at my mouth, then up at my eyes. “Do you understand?”
I would be angry if I wasn’t feeling so helpless, so hopeless, sodejected. “Yes,” I murmur, my eyelashes fluttering as I struggle to keep my emotions in check. “I understand.”
“Because you’d be mad to be with someone as fucked up as me.” His eyes drop to my mouth again, and I swear I can feel that gaze like a ghostly kiss. “But not mad enough for it to work. My crazy trumps your crazy, little Mika.”
My eyes squeeze shut when Cole climbs out of the car and slams the door behind him. A single tear—hot and fat—trickles halfway down my cheek before I flick it away with my thumb.
I sink lower into my seat and smooth my hands over my stomach.
