Page 45 of The Devastation You Reap
"You're still coming to the party Friday night, right?"
"Um…"
"Now who's the one who's hiding?" he raises a brow but I know he's only teasing.
"If I thought you wanted it, I'd tell the world, but something tells me that's the last thing you'd ask me to do."
"You’re right. I like my life in the shadows," I confess.
"Well, you're going to have to get used to coming out a little."
Before I can respond, he's out of the car and I've got no choice but to follow.
10
Macie
Leon wasn't wrong. The burger was probably one of the best I've ever had in my life, but it's not the food that has a smile on my face the whole way back toward campus, because he’s the reason.
The whole evening has just been perfect, much like the previous one and I'm finding it harder and harder to remember that this can't be real.
Everything about it is just too… right. He's too sweet, too thoughtful. Too… perfect.
He's making my head spin and I'm slowly losing grip on the armor I've built up around myself. No one else I've ever met has managed to get through, it's the reason I've never had any kind of meaningful relationships, whether that be friendships or more. From a very early age, I learned not to trust people, even those who claim to love you, so I force everyone out.
I told myself I didn't need people. I've been my own cheerleader, voice of reason and sounding board for years. It's the way I always told myself it needed to be.
Yet three days with Leon. Just three days and I'm already starting to question just how lonely my previous life was.
Sure, I've always had people around me. But none of them have ever known me, even got inside my head… my heart.
Nathan is the closest friend I've ever had, and yet, he's still very much on the periphery of my life. I told myself that it's because he's an athlete, and I know that I need to stay well and clear of them. But since spending time with Leon, I know it's not that. Nathan and I are just friends.
But the football player I've always fiercely told myself I'd never go near. Yeah… he's making all kinds of crazy thoughts whip around my head, causing unfamiliar feelings to shoot through my body.
It's all wrong because even before meeting him, I knew I couldn't trust him. Yet here I am, having had my what… third date with him in as many days wondering if I should invite him back up to my dorm room consequences be damned just because something about this, about the connection that's always crackling away between us, just feels so right.
"What are you thinking about, Red?" he asks. It seems to be his favorite question. "I hope it's me again."
I nod, unable to deny that it is, but I swallow down the questions that want to blurt from my mouth. My need to know what he thinks this is, where he thinks it could go.
We met on Sunday under circumstances I mostly would rather never think of again and he's caught me up in this whirlwind that I'm not sure I want to escape from if I'm being really honest with myself.
"Thank you for tonight. You really are quite good at this dating thing, but then I guess that's what happens when you've had so many."
His fingers tighten on the wheel and he glances over at me.
"Last night…" he starts, lifting his hand to his hair and pushing it back from his brow almost as if he's nervous. "That was the first time I planned any kind of date for a girl."
"Shut up," I argue, not wanting to accept that it could possibly be true.
"It was. The girls I've hung out with before… I've only…"
"Screwed them," I finish for him.
Pulling into the lot behind my dorm once more, he kills the engine and turns to look at me.
"Yeah. I've got a rep for a reason and I'm not going to pretend I don't. Although, I can tell you that it's not actually as bad as people make it out to be."
