Page 33 of The Devastation You Reap
His eyes zero in on my lips and the tingles I tried to banish earlier return full force.
"U-uh…" he stutters, dragging his eyes back up to mine. Although when I look into them, I find they're significantly darker than they were before. The sight makes my heart beat that little bit faster. "What do you want to know?"
"I don't know." I shrug regretting the question. I can't ask about family and those normal kinds of things because I know it'll invite questions into my own life and I refuse to go down that path tonight when we're meant to be enjoying ourselves. "Where do you live? Friends. Parties. Classes. Anything, really."
He studies me for a beat and I can't help but wonder if he noticed my lack of questions about his life outside MKU.
I tell myself I'm just being paranoid and continue eating as he starts talking.
"I live in a house with my brother and a few of the guys from the team over by the frat houses. Parties? Every weekend. Classes? I go occasionally," he jokes… I think. "There's not really much to tell. During the season I'm either training or sleeping and in the off-season, I just try to enjoy myself as much as possible."
"Which leads us to my next question…" His eyes widen knowing what's coming next. "Charlie?"
"What about her?"
"That night… the way you were…" I sit up and look at the lake, feeling overwhelmed by his intense stare. "You were different."
He's silent as he moves some of the food aside and comes to sit beside me, the heat of his body warming mine.
We might be having unusually warm weather for this time of year, but we’re still sitting outside at night in winter.
A shiver rips through me and before I know what's happening, he's pulling a hoodie from the bag and wrapping it around my shoulders.
"T-thank you," I whisper, pulling it around me and breathing in his scent.
"Charlie was…" He blows out a long breath as he tries to find the right words. "My life hasn't been all that great recently. I went to a bar, had a little too much to drink and I just needed to forget for a bit, you know?"
I nod, understanding that concept more than I'm sure he appreciates. Although I've never used drinking and sex to make it happen. But I do get it.
"But she wasn't what I needed, not really."
"Because she's not your type."
"Partly. I thought I was looking for something meaningless to just take the edge off but I don't think that's what I needed."
I wince slightly at his ability to use sex and another person like that but I fight to keep my reaction inside because I really don't think he needs me judging him right now. And let's face it, I've already done plenty of that where he's concerned.
"I know you think I have it all. That I'm some pigheaded football player who thinks he's God's gift to the game and women. I probably act like that more than I should. But it's not who I really am. Meaningless nights with faceless jersey chasers isn't all it's cracked up to be."
"No? I thought it was what you all lived for," I deadpan.
"As high school kids, yeah. But things aren't always as incredible as they're made out to be."
"So what do you want?" I ask, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.
"Something more." I suck in a sharp breath when his fingers touch my ear once more. "I want more than one night, Red. I want more than just sex.
"My brother, my best friend. They've found it. I'm surrounded by these couples and I want it. I want to look at my person and to have her know exactly what I'm thinking just from my eyes. I want to fall asleep with her in my arms and wake up the same way the next morning knowing that she's mine."
My breathing becomes labored the more he speaks.
"It sounds perfect," I whisper, trying to imagine what it must be like to have that kind of connection with someone. Especially since I've spent the better part of eighteen years believing it only exists in the movies.
"I want it."
His fingers touch my jaw, giving me no choice but to turn my head to look at him.
My lips part the second I look into his eyes.
