Page 2 of The Devastation You Reap
Closing her door behind me, I make my way back to my room next door, wishing—and not for the first time—that I was on the other side of the dorm with two bathrooms between our rooms like Nathan and Jace have.
"She still alive?" Nathan calls from his room as I pass his door.
Looking up, I find him lounging on his bed in only a pair of shorts reading a book.
When I first started here in our co-ed dorm, the sight of a male chest used to make me blush like a nun in a sex shop, but after a few months, I've almost become desensitized by both Nathan and Jace. Almost.
But seeing them shirtless and havinghimpressed against me only minutes ago are two completely different things.
A wave of heat rushes through me as I remember just how harsh his grip on my throat was, and how every inch of his solid body felt pressed up against me.
"You okay?" he asks, lowering his book to his chest.
"Huh, what?"
It's not until his eyes drop to my neck that I realize that my fingers are lightly brushing the skin where he touched me.
"Y-yeah, sorry. I just…" I look behind me at Charlie's door, my head spinning, the blood that's pumping through my veins suddenly feels too hot.
"Jesus, what did you see?"
"Oh… um… n-nothing."
"Sure, well… if you wanna talk about it—"
"You mean gossip?" I correct him.
Leon would’ve had to storm past Nathan's room to get out so I can only assume that he already knows who was behind the blood-curdling screams of our roommate that dragged me out of my own bed.
"Me?" he asks, pulling the best innocent face that he can muster. "Never."
"Riiight. I'm going to bed."
"Sure, see you in the morning."
I nod, but my body doesn't actually move straight away, my head is still firmly back in Charlie's room and hella confused by everything.
"You sure you're okay?" Nathan asks again.
When I look up again, I find he's now sitting on his bed, concern etched onto his face.
"Yeah, really. I'm just tired. Night," I say, forcing my legs to move so I don't stand there looking any weirder than I’ve already been.
I know I'm the odd one out amongst my roommates. That was abundantly clear the first day I moved in. I knew I'd lived a sheltered life, it's one of the reasons I decided to live on campus instead of getting myself a place to hide in. I wanted to experience this. I wanted to have friends, to party, to just be… normal.
It's the first time in my life where I'm not being controlled by someone else and I want to embrace it. Even if it does make me feel like a fish out of water most days.
The drinking, the partying, the easy sex.
Maybe Charlie is right, maybe I am just a prude.
But I don't think I am because… I want it all.
I want to experience all the things she does. I want to know how it feels. I just… don't want to do it with some random guy I'm probably never going to see again. Or worse, a member of the football team who'll leave here and brag to the rest of his guys about how he broke the innocent prep school virgin.
I close my door behind me and lean back, my head tipping to the ceiling, my eyes squeezing closed as I remember how he felt. How his tall, hard body felt pressed up against mine. How his wicked words rocked me to my core and made me feel things I never have before.
I tell myself that it was the shock, the fear of the evil glint in his eyes as he stared at me. But… I don't think it was that.
