Page 63 of The Destruction You Desire
I exhale once more, picking at the sore skin around my nails that I've bitten raw. I hate myself for doing it, but I've got to do something.
"Talk to me, Peyton."
"About what?" I reluctantly ask, my voice quiet and small.
"I don't know. Anything. South Carolina, your mom, Kayden. I just… I want to know everything, P."
My eyes lift, anger swirling in their depths. "A little late for all that, don't you think?" I spit, the venom in my voice surprising me.
"Probably yeah," he admits, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "But… I want to make this right, baby."
I shake my head. "And you think that's possible?"
He shrugs, defeat clear in the way he slumps back against the bench. "Maybe not. But that doesn't mean I'm not willing to try. We didn't get a chance to talk about… about everything on Saturday. I want to know the truth, P."
A bitter laugh rips from my throat, making his brows pinch.
"I guess I should be grateful that you've realized what I say is only ever the truth."
"Deep down, I knew it all along. I just couldn't deal with it. I couldn't cope with my d—with Brett doing that."
"And you think I could? I lost everything, Luc. You, my home, my life, and I got dragged to another state, forced to keep this huge secret as I watched my sister lose control, only to lose her and then my mom a few years later. Libby is the only thing I have left, Luca." I sit forward, resting my arms on the table and hang my head.
"That's not true, baby."
I look up as his fingers manage to pry mine from the fist they were curled in and I allow him to lace them together. His warmth immediately settling something inside me.
"You've got me, Lee, Fee, Kayden. And once we've spoken to Mom and Shane, you're going to have them too. You've always been a part of my family, P. Always. Now it's just really time to take your place."
I scoff. "Jesus, Luc. It sounds like you're about to propose or some shit."
"If I thought it would help, I would."
My chin drops at his confession, that along with what he blurted as he came last night sends a shockwave through me once more.
"I'd do anything, Peyton. I need you to know that."
"I don't know anything, Luc. You can't go from locking me in a pool house torturing me to sitting here telling me that you'd marry me. It's fucking insane, Luca."
He shrugs. "I know." He thinks for a minute, his eyes glazing over as he goes someplace else. "Love isn't always easy, or pretty, Peyton."
I gasp at the truth behind his statement
"No, it's painful and full of regrets."
Hurt flashes through his eyes but I refuse to let it affect me. We both knew what last night was, and if he's thinking other things then he needs to seriously reconsider.
He told me he'd be what I needed, well… last night that was what I needed. No strings attached.
He's silent for a few moments. My hand is still in his as his thumb rubs along my knuckles. The move is irritatingly comforting.
"Before you ran into me yesterday, I got stuck in the elevator with Letty."
His words make me look up from our joined hands.
"Things have been strained between us since she came back and ended up with Kane. I thought… I thought she'd been sent back for me, fate or some shit, I don't know. I thought maybe she was a sign. Anyway, I fucked up with her. I was too focused on my own issues and fucked up life to really listen to what was going on with hers.
"Getting stuck yesterday was exactly what we needed. It gave us a chance to talk, to be honest with each other. She confessed what really happened with Kane and I told her about you, the truth."
