Page 36 of The Destruction You Desire
"Me too, Let. I'm sorry for all the shit I pulled."
"Me too. I should have told you the truth sooner. I shouldn't have used you the way I did."
I hold her tighter as the tension drains from the space around us and the silence stretches out.
"My dad fucked her sister. I've got a little brother out of it."
Letty's body tenses at my words but she doesn't say anything, and I appreciate it.
"I hate my dad. You know that more than anyone. But I refused to believe that he could do that, that he could stoop so low as to cheat on my mother with a high school senior."
"Shit, Luc."
"She was a few weeks from being eighteen but I have no idea how long it was going on for. If she was the first, if she was the last."
Releasing her, I lean forward once more, bowing my head in shame.
"She tried to tell me. Can you even imagine how hard it must have been for her to say the words? And then I turned around and called her a liar and cut her out of my life. I fucked up so fucking bad."
Letty remains silent beside me, giving me all the answers I need.
"Are you really serious about walking away from the Panthers?" she asks after long, agonizing seconds. Her change of subject gives me whiplash.
My brows draw together in confusion but I quickly figure out that Leon must have told her.
Dropping my head into my hands, I give her the truth. It's the least I can do.
"I don't know. I don't know anything right now. My life feels like it's spiraling out of control."
"Have you spoken to your father?"
My fists curl at the mention of him. "Not since I learned all of this," I force out through clenched teeth. "I want to fucking kill him, Let."
She turns to me, resting her hand on my forearm. "Still enjoying football and wanting success doesn't make you your father. Pushing hard to get to the NFL, to have all the things he's wanted for you—that you want for yourself—doesn't make you him."
I shake my head, not finding any words to respond with.
"I hate your dad, Luc. I've hated him for years for the way he's treated both you and Leon. Shane too. He's an asshole. But football is who you are. I have no doubt that even if he hadn't pushed you, that you'd be exactly where you are now. It's in your blood, Luc. Following in that path—in his path—won't change anything, it won't make him stop being the prick he is, and it certainly won't rewrite the past.
"The only person you need to worry about when you're thinking about what comes next for you, is you." I glance up at her. "Okay, maybe Peyton too if you're going to make that right."
"I am."
"Okay then, so what do you want, Luc? Do you want everything you've worked so hard for? Do you want football, the NFL, or do you want to start over, find a new path for yourself?"
My lips part to respond but she cuts me off.
"You don't need to answer that now. You've got time to figure it all out. We all just want you to be happy, Luca. We don't care if you're the NFL's next star quarterback or if you work in Dunkin' Donuts. We just want you to be happy, to figure this stuff out because you're killing us with this right now." Her hand slides down to mine once more and she uncurls my fist. "I just want my old Luc back. And something tells me that Peyton probably feels the same."
"I don't know who he is anymore," I whisper.
Placing her hand over my heart, she stares into my eyes with her big dark ones. "He's right here, Luc. You'll find him again."
Emotion clogs my throat and tears burn the backs of my eyes. I want to be able to agree with her, but I fear the person both she and Peyton remember is gone.
Leaning back against the wall, I blow out a long breath.
"Only time will tell, I guess."
