Page 26 of Falling For Liam
“You know, I’ve never seen him go after a girl before. You must be all kinds of special, Liv.” BJ gives me a wink before also depositing his bowl and disappearing.
I sit there, staring at the wall for god knows how long, as I think about what BJ just said. I can hear movement upstairs and part of me wants to go and sort it out. I hate knowing he’s annoyed with me, but at the same time, I’m still pissed off with him, too.
In the end, I finish dinner before getting the washing up done and giving the kitchen a thorough clean. By the time I’m done, the black and chrome fittings are sparkling, and I feel a little more grounded.
I can hear Liam’s TV as I climb the stairs and head towards my own room. I pause when I’m stood in front of his door, and I almost knock, but at the last minute, I turn and keep walking. I convince myself that I need to give him space, and that it’s nothing to do with not trusting myself not to lead him on.
He might think he covers it well, but I can see what he wants written all over his face every time he looks at me. And although I may want the same thing, I’m not sure I’m capable of it right now. My body’s still showing the evidence of what happened the last time a man touched me, and I’m not sure I could cope, even if it was Liam’s touch.
* * *
It seems to have become my routine that the alarm goes off two minutes before Liam’s breakfast radio show starts. I pull up the app on my phone and wait for his voice to fill the room. I feel ridiculous; it’s like a guilty pleasure that I’m ashamed to admit, but it makes me feel better. Just listening to him talk transports me back to a few weeks ago when I allowed myself to just enjoy life and forget the bullshit that was happening at home. I could pretend everything was easy, that I had a loving boyfriend and lived in a place that felt like home.
It’s that moment that I realise I could have all those things. I sit upright in bed and look around the room.
With newfound enthusiasm, I shower, dress, and grab my stuff, ready to make a fresh start. I’ve got a new home and I’m surrounded by incredible people, but I’m wallowing in self-pity and driving myself crazy. I’m not suddenly going to wake up one day and everything that happened is going to be behind me; I need to actively push it back. I need to fill my life with good stuff that will overpower all that shit.
With my newfound enthusiasm, I set about putting an end to my old life. I cancel the direct debits for everything to do with the flat and change my address wherever I need to. I’ve carried David long enough; it’s time he sorted his own life out. Do I feel guilty? Fuck yes, but drowning myself in debt for him isn’t worth it.
Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I grab my trainers and jog down the stairs. The house is in silence. BJ must either be surfing or still in bed. I quickly down a glass of water before heading out into the early morning sun.
I drive around for a bit, taking in my new home as the sun rises and bathes the little sleepy town in gorgeous yellow and orange hues. With the windows open, I breathe in lungfuls of sea air and allow it to wash my past away. I’m not naïve enough to think I’ll ever forget about all that, but like fuck am I going to let David and his monster of a brother control my life when they’re no longer in it.
I waste no time in getting out of the car when I get to my destination, and I go straight towards the cleaning aisle. Before I do anything else, that house is getting a serious blitz.
With a trolley full of cleaning products, along with toiletries and everything the guys didn’t think to pack for me that I’ve been borrowing from Nic since I got here, I head for the checkout.
I didn’t really think about it while I was picking everything up, but my eyes almost pop out of their sockets when the cashier tells me the total. I hesitantly hand over my debit card, hoping and praying there’s enough in there to cover it. When I said to BJ last night that I need to get a job, I wasn’t joking. I’m skint and so far into my overdraft that I’ve got my work cut out for me to dig my way out of it.
Thankfully, the transaction is approved, and on the way back to my car, I make the stupid mistake of going to the cash point to see how dire the situation really is. My stomach drops when I see the negative figure staring back at me.
Feeling a little more deflated than when I arrived, I plod back to the car and load up the boot.
I start with downstairs, seeing as I’ve already made a start on the kitchen. I wipe down every surface I can find before vacuuming and mopping the floors within an inch of their lives. By the time I’m ready to head upstairs, all I can smell is the wild berry scent from the cleaning product I chose. The man smell is long gone.
I feel lighter as I climb the stairs. This new start has officially commenced.
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask, pulling my phone from my back pocket when it starts vibrating.
“Hey, you okay? You sound out of breath.” Nic asks.
“Yeah, I’m cleaning the bathroom. Do you have any idea when BJ and Liam last did this? I don’t even want tothinkwhat could have been growing around that toilet. Guys are gross.”
“You’re a braver woman than I am,” she says with a laugh. “Anyway, it’s Friday night. Get your backside in the shower then get down here for a few drinks. We’ve got an awesome band playing tonight.”
“I don’t know, Nic.”
“Come on. I’m working all night so you can just sit at the bar and keep me entertained. You don’t have to talk to anyone else. You can’t tell me the idea of getting dressed up and letting your hair down doesn’t sound appealing.”
Although the thought of all the effort it’s going to take to get the smell of bleach from my skin, I can’t argue with her. It’s been so long since I did my hair and make-up and went out with friends that the thought does have a little excitement bubbling up.
“Yeah, okay.”
“Awesome. Now, drop the scrubbing brush and get yourself dolled up.”
“I’m pretty much done, anyway.”
“You know, if you start doing all the cleaning, they’ll begin to expect it,” Nic warns.
