Page 91 of Falling for Nicole
I don’t get a wink of sleep. Thoughts of Mum’s fight fill my head, and my fear of watching someone else I love go through that. I know I need to be here for Dec and Lilly, for all the Morrisons, but I can’t. I can’t deal with this.
Declan
After getting back on my bike and driving all night, I eventually fall down on to my bed with a bottle of whiskey sometime mid-morning. I couldn’t really give a fuck about the time. Time means nothing. As more passes, it’s just less time we have.
I fucking knew something wasn’t right with Mum. She was too pale and gaunt, she was too emotional, and cried too much. I should have seen this, or something, coming, but I was blindsided by it, and my first reaction was to run.
The only time I venture out of my room the next day is to get another bottle of whiskey. I drink, I sleep, and I feel sorry for myself. It’s pathetic, I know. I’ve got no real reason to lose myself like this; other people have much worse problems. But shit, I can’t seem to drag myself from this pit I’ve fallen into.
My phone rings constantly, but I ignore it. I’m not up for allowing the outside world into my misery. The guys knock on my door and try to get me out, but the only words that fall from my lips arefuck off. I should probably be worried about my business, but I know everyone’s capable of keeping it going. That’s what I pay them all for, let’s face it.
It’s not until the one person who can slap some sense into me forces her way into my hideout that I start seeing sense.
“Declan Morrison, open this fucking door right now, or I’ll get Ben to take it down,” she warns from outside. “I fucking mean it. He’s here and ready to barge.”
“All right, all right,” I mutter.
I pull on a pair of shorts on the way to unlock the door, and the second she hears the click, Lilly is pushing down the handle and barging into the room.
“What the fuck, Dec? How is you hiding in here helping anyone?”
I shrug and walk over to the doors to look out over the bay.
“Shrugging isn’t a fucking answer.” Shit, she must be pissed off. That’s about five fucks already.
“I’m sorry, all right?”
“You don’t need to be apologising to me. It’s Mum and Nicole who need you right now, you idiot.”
“Why, what’s happened?”
“Well, nothing, but Mum starts treatment tomorrow, and she should be relaxing and looking after herself, but she’s too busy worrying about you.”
“What about Nicole?”
“She’s a mess, and she needs you. Everything she’s been trying to fight through is now being dragged back to the surface. She barely survived it all last time. She needs all of us, but mostly she needs you. I know you’ve got to deal with this too, but Mum is still here. Yes, she has a fight on her hands, but she’s here. Nicole’s isn’t. She’s seen the bad side of all this and she can’t see past it. You need to go to her, Dec. You need to allow her to deal with this in her own way, and you need to support her so she can support you.
“Now, I suggest you sleep this off,” she says, collecting up the bottles of whiskey. “Have a shower, and go and fight for her. Listen to her, do whatever the fuck it is she needs you to do, because I won’t lose her. I won’t lose her because of you.”
Lilly doesn’t need to say any more. Her reality check hits exactly where she intends. No sooner has she walked out of my room than I’m stripping off my shorts and jumping in the shower. Fuck sleep. She mentioned losing Nicole; I don’t have time for sleep. I need to sort this out now.
* * *
“Is she here?” I demand when Liv opens her front door. My first stop was the shack, but even though she was scheduled to work today, no one has seen her. My stomach is full of dread, and the look on Liv’s face as she opened the door doesn’t calm me down any.
“No.”
I barge my way in. It’s not that I don’t trust her, but I need to see for myself.
“Dec, she’s not here.”
“Where is she?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not.” Liv refuses to make eye contact with me, and her face and neck are flushed red. She knows exactly where Nicole is, and she’s a shit liar.
