Page 62 of Dangerous Encore
Even if my symptoms line upperfectly.
Why do I skip the placebo week? If I knew when my last period was, I’d know this isn’tpossible.
Alessandra pulls open the door and crosses the room to me. She leans down next to me and handssomethingover.
Apregnancytest.
"You carry this with you?"Iask.
"In my office." She shoots me a curious look. "Does that reallysurpriseyou?"
"I guess not." She does manage a number of teenage pop star clients. She plans for contingencies. Just likeIdo.
I really could doherjob.
But all that traveling, the late nights, the stress, Joel being away allthetime…
Joel and I have never talkedaboutkids.
You skip a lot of steps when you marry someone six hours aftermeetingthem.
Does hewantkids?
Would he slow down if Iasked?
"If this isn't what you want, no one has to know." Alessandra's expression is dead serious. "I know an OB who does terminations at her privatepractice."
I'm sure she does. Alessandra knows how to take care of anything that could possibly pose a problem to a musician who simply can'tslowdown.
She's a maternal figure to a lot of youngwomen.
Meincluded.
"I'm not…" I curl my fingers around the test. It's still in its plastic wrapping. I'm notsomething.
Do I want achild?
Andnow?
I haven't thought about it. Things are good. Being with Joel, working here, living in Venice Beach—it's adream.
For the first time in my life, I'm enjoying the ride rather than obsessing over whatcomesnext.
"Whatever you decide, sweetheart. If you want this, then that's fucking fantastic. But if you don't, or if you don't want it now—you wouldn't be the first woman to have an abortion. And not the first married womaneither."
"Yeah. I don't… Um… I haven't even taken thetestyet."
Alessandra smilesif that's what you want to tellyourself.
Itis.
I slide the test into mypurse.
I'm not takingithere.
Ortonight.
Or any time before Dadleaves.
Even if thatkillsme.
