Page 173 of Dirty Husband
Her eyes turn down. "Why?"
"What he did… where do you think he learned it?"
"He was—"
I can't let her finish that sentence. "Don't feel sorry for him."
"I don't."
"He passed that curse to me. And now I… I'm a monster, Jasmine. Don't you see that?"
She holds her ground.
"I'm going to hurt you one day. I'm not going to be able to stop myself." I already want to. I want to pin her to the wall, tear off her panties, fuck her until she's not asking questions.
Until she's mine and I'm the one with all the cards.
It's the only bright spot in an ocean of darkness.
"You won't," she says. "I trust you."
"That's a foolish decision."
"It's not a choice. I wouldn't choose to love you. I wouldn't choose something this complicated. But I do love you. I've tried, for a long time, to stop loving you. But I can't." She stares into my eyes. "Maybe you feel like a monster. But you're not. I can see you better than you can. And you're not some beast who can't control yourself."
"I am."
She presses on. "Even if that's true, if you are out of control… that's my choice. I can trust you or not."
"Jasmine—"
"You can decide you're not ready for this. That you won't be with me. But don't tell me it's for my own good. I know what's good for me. I know what I want. I want to marry you. And I'm going to be ready, tomorrow. I'm going to be there." She places her hand next to mine. Just barely. Just enough our pinkies touch. "Don't make me wait too long."
Chapter Forty-Nine
Jasmine
Isuppose with my insanity official, it's hard to describe my current mental state.
I'm in a tiny room backstage, pretending as if I'm contemplating my makeup, struggling to pace.
This dress is too snug. These heels are too high. My hair is pinned too tightly.
Everything is in place for the wedding. Everything except my groom.
It's a hell of a play. Under different circumstances, Shep would be proud. Nick would shake my hand. Lizzy would gush.
As it is…
Shep's status is still unknown. And everyone else believes the wedding is going on as normal.
Men are spoiled. They only need a clean suit and tie. Neat hair. Bam, they're ready.
It isn't the multi-hour extravaganza of bridal styling.
Has anyone ever worn this much makeup?
Mai watches me pace and shakes her head. "You had too much tea. You should have some champagne."
