Page 104 of Dirty Husband
Fuck the entire world.
"I know Jasmine, Shep. We still talk. I see her father once a week. I'd know if you'd been dating."
"And?"
"I remember the two of you. What it looked like when you were in love."
I push a breath through my chest. Stare at my brother like he's the stupidest person on the planet. Because, right now, he is. He knows what I'm about to say. And fuck him for making me say it. "I'm not capable of that anymore."
"I thought the same thing."
"Good for you. Now, if you don't have a point, I'm going to leave." I need a drink. Bourbon. Neat. An entire fucking bottle.
Immediately.
I close my eyes. Press my forehead to the glass. Will it to cool me somehow. To calm me somehow.
It doesn't. It's not bourbon. It's not a woman tied to my bed. It's not Jasmine bending to my will.
It's fucking glass.
Useless for anything except letting in the light.
"He does have something to do with this?" Nick asks. He takes my non-response as a yes. "Whatever it is, you're not winning anything by playing this game. You'll never win. You'll only prove he can control you."
"Thanks, Dr. Phil."
"You think I don't feel the same way? Really, Shep? Do you really think I wouldn't kill him if you asked?"
I say nothing.
"Ask now. I'll do it. I don't care that I'll spend the rest of my life in jail. It would be worth it."
"You've never hurt anyone."
"Even so."
I have no doubt he would. And no doubt that bastard will still find a way to come out ahead. "He'd still control your life."
"He would. But if I believed it would release you, if you'd finally feel free, I'd do it."
"You'd be under his thumb for your entire life."
He nodsyes. "You've thought about it too."
"Of course."
"And this… it's his doing?"
"Are you going to state obvious facts like they're questions?"
"Lizzy told me what happened last year. You were willing to do a lot for Jasmine."
"I was angry." About rehab. And everything else.
"You do care about her."
"Of course." If I could love anyone, it would be her.
