Page 101 of Dirty Husband
I really do believe everything will be okay.
"You'll be great." He looks at me with all the love in the world, then he leans in and presses his lips to mine.
It feels real. Like he loves me and I love him.
Like before, I'm dizzy. Only it's so much worse than before. Because it's not washed in a wave of pleasure.
It's just my heart pounding against my chest, screamingShep.
If I'm not careful, I'm going to fall in love with him.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Shepard
Nick is less reserved than usual. He teases Jasmine. He gushes over Lizzy. He shares a silly story from our childhood about the time I was too scared to jump into the ocean.
Mom had read us this book about a boy who fell off a boat and met all sorts of strange sea creatures. Some were nice. Others were evil. I thought we'd meet some of the latter.
But Nick went in first. He showed me that it was okay. That I didn't have to worry about a giant octopus or a talking crab.
It was fun, running around the waves, splashing, swimming.
At the time, I would have followed him anywhere. I would have ran into the ocean even if I thought there was danger. He was my big brother. The smartest, coolest, bravest person in the world.
At the time, I thought he was right. There was no danger of an animal attack.
There's a bigger risk. The ocean itself. The current, the dark water, the limitless depths.
But that was Nick. He never did warn me about the real danger.
My therapist says I shouldn't blame him. Not forthatand not for rehab. Nick was always trying to help. In his way. I should respect that.
I should forgive him. For my sake.
But then I only talk to the fucking therapist because of Nick. So I suppose it's what he has to say.
It is a nice dinner. And Nick is softer. He has two drinks. Lizzy has three.
She gets giggly and friendly and a little too open. She accidentally spills some details about their sex life. What they did before they left.
Usually, that would annoy me. Today, it makes me think of Jasmine. Her gasp, her cry, her moan. The sweet sound she makes when she comes.
I should invite this stupid panel to watch us fuck. So they can see we give each other exactly what we need.
That bastard would love it. Another chance to fuck with me. More proof he's left a mark.
I nod along with the conversation, tell my own stories about Nick, make Lizzy and Jasmine laugh until they can't take it anymore.
Then we finish. Lizzy offers to take Jasmine to the venue, to help with setup. So I can talk to Nick alone.
He nods back to her, a knowing nod that makes it clear they planned this earlier.
It shouldn't annoy me—I need to speak with him privately—but it does. Who does he think he is, planning conversations? Does he believe he's earned back his right to act like an older brother?
He hasn't.
He waits until they leave, then he finishes his last sip of rum and coke. Stands. Moves to the window. "This is what you've always wanted."
