Page 35 of Dirty Husband
His baby blues are still full of wonder. But they're comforting too. His touch is comforting.
I squeeze his hand. He squeezes back a little harder. Just hard enough I know he's there. Just hard enough I feel safe.
I hate that I feel safe from his touch, but I do.
The helicopter rises slowly. Then we're moving forward. Over the city.
It's a different view. The tops of skyscrapers. Rooftop gardens. People drinking at a balcony bar.
It's not like a plane. We aren't that high up. People aren't ants. Cars aren't the size of toys. But they're still far away. Smaller. Like they don't matter. Like we're so far above it all, none of it matters.
Shepard points to our right.
It's beautiful. The sun, sinking into the horizon, streaking the sky orange, casting its glow over the Hudson.
The pilot says a few things about the city and the view. But I don't catch any of them. Only the orange glow of sunset reflecting off Shep's smile.
It's such a beautiful smile. I miss it. I miss him. The person I was with him.
But that was another lifetime ago.
And this—
The helicopter jerks forward. Shep squeezes a little tighter. The pilot says something about it being normal. All clear. It's just a bumpy ride.
Don't think about the helicopter crash in thatJurassic Parkmovie. Which one was it? And when did I find time to watch it?
Dad wanted to see it. Something about the dinosaurs. And the views of Hawaii. And wouldn't it be great to live there one day, on an island where our biggest concern is the best waves?
Or maybe that was me. I'm not sure. Neither one of us knows how to surf. We barely ever see the beach. Once or twice a summer, if his health allows. Lately—
Maybe I can take him out to Montauk on the LIRR. The coast is beautiful.
Or maybe we can fly there in a fucking helicopter.
My heart thuds against my chest. We're so far up. It feels so dangerous.
I should be terrified. But I'm not. The thrill is exhilarating.
New.
When was the last time I felt this kind of excitement? I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I'm trying to do here or what I'm going to tell my father.
I'm only sure of one thing, I want more of this feeling. And Shep is the only one who can give it to me.
Chapter Eleven
Jasmine
Sure enough, we land on the roof of the hospital.
Ian bids us farewell. Helps an EMT climb into the helicopter. Apparently, he's a colleague of Shepard's who does rescue missions in his spare time.
Another rich man with the world at his fingertips.
I suppose I shouldn't judge. The guy is using his free time to volunteer. Sure, his volunteer method requires all sorts of money. But he's still offering his spare time.
That's more than I can say.
