Page 167 of Dirty Husband
Weird.
Off in some way I can't articulate.
Too nice, too proud, too shiny.
I didn't like him when I was fifteen and I don't like him now.
But I have no idea why. Or why Shep avoids him.
Maybe it's not anything Lucien did. Maybe it's like my inability to taste lychee jelly without curling into a ball of grief.
Maybe Lucien reminds Shep of losing his mother. I understand that.
"It's uh…" I reach for something that will convince Lucien I'm a doting fiancée. And get him to leave. "I appreciate that you came."
"Of course." He takes my hand in his. "Young love is so beautiful."
"Right."
"I was older when I met Liv. I'd been with other women. But it was different when I fell for her. As if the stars were finally shining." He makes a show of looking to the sky. "I suppose it's hard to convey to a New Yorker. You never see the stars here."
"I'm used to it."
"Do you consider yourself a New Yorker now? Or is your heart in California?"
"I love the city." I pull my hand to my side. "It's a little chilly out here." I make a show of rubbing my arms. It's not chilly. Even in my thin dress. It's warm. Humid even. "I should get back. Before Mai gives my dad a heart attack."
He reaches for my hand again. "I shouldn't be talking about myself. I'm sorry. I suppose I just… want you to understand. I'm not proud of what I've done."
What the hell is he talking about?
"I had this hole after Liv died. I needed to fill it. Nick took up poker. I did something similar."
Okay…
"I make wagers. With friends. It started as a New Year's resolution. Charles was trying to lose twenty pounds. I bet him he couldn't. To motivate him."
"Sure."
"He bet me I couldn't close a deal for ten percent above asking. It was little things. Then bigger ones. Then Shep got involved." He reaches into his pocket. Pulls out a folded stack of papers. A contract. "I wasn't going to tell you. But you're such a sweet young woman." He unfolds the papers. "This is all a game to him. You're a pawn to him. You deserve better." He pushes the papers into my hands. "You deserve the truth."
Chapter Forty-Four
Jasmine
When I return to our rehearsal dinner, the room is cold. It's not the difference between the air-conditioning and the spring evening.
It's something else.
A black hole sucking in the life around it.
Mai and Quyen are still laughing. Making Dad blush.
Ian is still flirting shamelessly with both of them.
He looks to me and raises a broware you okay?
I nod as if I am. I should be. It shouldn't be a big deal. I don't want to believe anything Lucien says.
