Page 116 of Dirty Husband
It's a nice idea, but he's wrong. There's no getting around it. That bastard will control me until the day I die. Then after.
Somehow, he will.
I try to work, but it's useless. My head is too full. My thoughts are too sharp.
I don't feel a moment of relief until the front door opens.
Soft footsteps move closer. Then a knock.
"Can I come in?" she asks.
"I'll come out." No one comes into my office.
I stand. Shut down my computer. Lock the drawer where I keep this awful contract.
She's standing there in the main room, moonlight casting highlights on her tan skin.
She looks gorgeous. And worried.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
"It's nothing."
Her eyes search mine. "You didn't ask me about the date. I realize you don't have to consult me given our terms, but—"
"I got carried away." It's still there, in my head, the image of his awful smile. It's still infecting the room.
"That almost sounds like an apology."
"I'm sorry."
Her eyes fill with confusion. "Thank you." She stares at me like I've sprouted horns.
"What?" I turn to the window. Try to find solace in the deep blue water. It's no use. There's no clarity in the river. Or the sky. Or the big silver moon.
"Something is on your mind." Her voice stays soft. Curious.
"Is that a question or a statement?"
"More an invitation."
"I meant what I said, Jasmine. I am lucky to marry you. And you are better than what I deserve. But I can't love you. I'm not capable of loving anyone."
Her eyes fill with hurt, but she says nothing.
"I'm not capable of sharing my heart with you. If that's what you're after—"
"It's only a question, Shep. You can sayI'd rather not discuss it."
That's not the entire truth, but I don't have the moral high ground here. I nod. Play by her terms. "I'd rather not discuss it."
"Okay, well… if you change your mind, I guess." She motions to her room. "I'm going to shower." Her eyes meet mine. They offer an invitation. A different one.
She wants intimacy however she can get it.
Or maybe my ego is talking. Maybe she only wants my body. Maybe she wants nothing more than satisfaction.
Either way—
