Page 12 of Come Apart

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Ryan.

Is he ever not going to be a specter in our relationship?

I'm so fucking tired of hearing his name.

"Can't we get past that?" I run my fingers through my hair, trying not to tear it out. "Don't get me wrong. I love spending time with you here. But I need more than that. We both do. "Her eyes turn to the pool once more. "Like what?"

I wait until she meets my gaze. "You could move in here."

It's something that's been on my mind for a while now.

"Into your ex's house?"

Her voice is dry, but there's a vulnerability lurking behind it.

"We can get a new house. Hell, where doesn't really matter."

Her shoulders drop.

"Luke..."

I don't like the tone she's using.

I quickly interject before she can finish.

"Okay, I get it. It's only been a few months. I shouldn't move so fast. But I feel like we're on hold. Do you..." Fuck, what if she says no? She could break my heart. "Where do you see this relationship going?"

She looks away, at the dark blue sky outside the windows.

What is she thinking?

Do I want to hear it?

And how the hell did I end up being the one pushing for more again? "Somewhere great." My stomach relaxes. She looks back to me. "But not yet."

"Okay. When?"

I need an answer here, something to hold on to.

"Sometime in the future."

"When in the future?"

"A year, maybe."

That's an eternity.

She turns back to me, her eyes clear and bright. "I love you, Luke, and I want to be with you. But I didn't do this relationship thing well before. I made Ryan my whole world. I relied on him so much, I didn't think I could survive without him. I just... I can't do that again."

"I won't let you."

I would never take her strength from her.

It's one of the things I love the most about her.

She runs her hand through my hair, her look tender. "I'm still here. Just not all the time."

"But I want you all the time."

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