Page 137 of Come to Me
I talk about the weather, about movies, about the mystery I'm reading on my Kindle. I'm certain the ex-husband did it, but there's no telling, really.
After lunch, we duck into the mall's movie theater. Nothing good is playing, but it's nice to sit in the air-conditioned room with Luke's arms around me. I fall asleep in his lap. When I wake up the credits are rolling.
Back in the car, he asks how I'm feeling. "Do you think you're ready to talk yet?"
I shake my head. "Maybe later."
He nods, but there's a resignation to it.
Like I am just too damn difficult to reach.
* * *
Back in the hotel room,we shower, dress, and retire to the balcony.
We're on the second floor, surrounded by nothing but stars. The ocean is a few hundred feet away and gentle waves roll onto the beach in a soft rhythm. It's dark and breezy, but it's warm and humid and sweet all the same.
Still, I shiver in my skimpy pajamas, leaning against Luke for warmth. He wraps his arms around me, presses his lips into my cheek. He leans towards me, his breath on my ear.
"I love you," he whispers.
He means it. I know he means it. I know he loves me, wants me, needs me as desperately as I need him.
He loves me.
But he's not convinced that will be enough.
I meet his gaze. His eyes are sincere.
But when his lips curl into a smile, it doesn't light up his face. Not the way it usually does. He brushes his fingers against my chin, holding my gaze.
"I'm tempted to repeat myself." His voice is soft.
There's a heaviness in my chest, like the weight of all this is going to crush me into a million tiny pieces.
But I say nothing. He moves closer, wrapping me in a hug, squeezing me so tight I think I might burst.
But he says nothing.
I pull back. I'm tempted to apologize, to convince him to find someone who will be what he needs, to convince him that I'm that someone, that everything will be better, easier.
But I say nothing.
He meets my eyes again. For once, he knows what I'm thinking. I can see it in his eyes, in the sad resignation in his expression.
"I love you too." My voice is tiny, a whisper. It's nothing, because it's not enough.
It's never going to be enough.
I bite my lip. "Maybe we should-"
"Don't," he cuts me off. "Don't say it."
"We can't keep running away from it."
"I know." He smooths my hair back, his eyes not leaving mine.
It's like he can see straight through me.
