Page 152 of The Baby Bargain

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"Maybe he didn't want kids."

"He did before."

"It's different when it's an abstract discussion."

"How do you know?" I ask.

"Grace had a scare."

Oh.

"She wasn't pregnant. But if she was… I wanted that. So fucking badly. I always knew I did. But when she told me it was an actual possibility, something flipped in my brain. I forget how terrified I was of my kid becoming an alcoholic. I forget how terrified I was of becoming my mom. I just—"

"You just knew?"

"Yeah."

He just knew that he wanted to be a father. "Do you still want that?"

"One day."

But he's doing this for me. He's not getting that. God, I want him to have that.

"Your ex is a doctor."

"A resident. He's still in training."

"And, he's what, twenty-five?"

"Twenty-seven."

"A twenty-seven-year-old who has no free time."

It makes sense when he says it that way. But—"People do it."

"When they want it badly."

"So he didn't want me," I say.

"Or he didn't want kids."

Maybe. It's just… so hard to believe.

"He's miserable."

"How do you know?"

His expression gets sheepish. "I check on his social media."

"Maybe it's a different Phillip Nguyen."

"Who posts pictures with you?"

Okay, that seems unlikely.

I take another bite. Chew. Swallow.

It helps.