Page 150 of The Baby Bargain
I nodthanks. "It has to be harder that way."
"She's still here."
"Is she though?"
His chuckle is low. Knowing. "Maybe. She went through rehab."
"She's still sober?"
"Three months now." His gaze shifts to the rice noodles. "But I don't know if I can let her break my heart again."
I know exactly what he means.
"I had this thought when I got that call—"
"The car crash?"
He nods. "I thought she was dead. And I was relieved for a minute. At least, it was finally over. She'd stop destroying herself. Stop destroying me." He picks up his fork. "It's fucking terrible."
"No, I get it." I pick up my fork. Spin noodles around it. "It was like that when my mom was fading… I didn't want her to go, but at the same time…"
"You couldn't get your hopes up anymore?"
"Yeah." I take a bite. Mint, fish sauce, sriracha. God, it really does taste like home. The chewy noodles, crisp veggies, tender meat. It's perfect.
It hurts more that way.
"I… uh… I don't want to undersell my dad," I say. "When he's home, he's around. We make dinner, talk, watch movies. The ones Mom loved. Though, she kind of loved everything. She loved film…" I suck in a deep breath. "He's a good dad, but it's different."
"You always feel that loss."
"Yeah. I guess… I'm sorry about your mom."
"Thanks."
"I hope you two can be okay."
"Me too."
"Really?"
"Yeah." He takes a bite. Chews slowly. Swallows. "I miss her. The person she was before the alcohol took over."
God, I can't imagine that. It was agony losing Mom. But losing her then seeing a shell of her every day?
I couldn't do it.
I'd run for the hills.
Chase keeps trying. He may do it in a tough love way, but he's still there.
"I, uh, we do Sunday dinners still. You should come." I want that sense Phillip's family had. That I had when I was with him. I want that for my child. For our place to always feel like home.
"Wouldn't Forest—"
"Oh, right." I have to tell my brother something. "We could—"
"Tell him the truth," Chase says.
