Page 266 of The Baby Bargain
"For Charlotte."
Oh my God. "You want to?"
"You were right, Ariel. I need to get over myself."
My laugh is awkward.
"I can't say that I have. Or that I've stopped blaming myself for Mom or Hunter or Grace. I can't say I'm over it. But I'm trying." He runs his thumb over my palm. "I want to get there. I've never wanted that before."
"Where?"
"I want to believe I make your life better."
"You do." I squeeze his hand. "Chase, I—"
"Let me finish, princess. I have a whole thing." His cheeks flush. "I've been practicing."
"Yeah?"
He nodsyeah.
I reach out. Brush a hair from his eyes. Rest my palm on his cheek.
He feels so good against my skin.
Like he's mine.
Is he finally mine?
Finally ours?
Chase squeezes my hand. "Ariel, I freaked out when your brother caught us. Not because he was pissed. Because his words were my words. They were what I've believed about myself for a long time."
I bite my tongue so I won't interrupt.
"I'm not sure when I started believing I could save everyone I loved. Or when I started blaming myself for their failures. But it's been weighing on me for a long time. I thought I was helping by removing myself from the equation. And I was. But not because I'm an anchor around everyone's neck."
I nod.
"Because I was making their problems about me. I was making my brother's addiction about me. Staring at him with betrayal, asking him to prove he loved me by giving up his coping mechanism—it wasn't fair. It was asking too much. Putting too much pressure on him."
"He's okay now."
"Yeah. Because I stepped away. Because I stopped asking that of him. People got better when I left, yeah, but not because I'm toxic. Because I was pushing them further than they could go. I talked to Grace—"
My stomach flip-flops. "You talked to your ex?"
"Yeah. But not like that." He moves a half-step closer. "I didn't go to win her over. I don't want to win her over. She's happy. And I'm finally happy about that. I finally get it. It wasn't her and it wasn't me. It was us. This pattern we'd made."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. We were kids. We were naïve. We thought we could save each other. And we couldn't let that go without letting each other go."
"But now… if you're healed now, couldn't you… couldn't you be together?"
"Maybe. But I don't want her. I don't love her." His eyes bore into mine. "I love you, Ariel."
"What?" There's no way he said that. I must be dreaming. That's the only reasonable possibility.
