Page 219 of The Baby Bargain
I'm not looking forward to that, exactly, but I'm not afraid of a less than tight stomach (it's not like I'm rocking abs now).
Losing my breasts?
That's… I don't even know.
Sure, I can have the kind of double mastectomy where I keep my skin and nipples. I can trade my natural breasts for saline. Hell, I can trade up if I want.
But no matter how good they look, it's different. There are foreign parts in my body. Parts that aren't me.
Will I still feel like me? Will Chase still want me the same way? Will anyone want me the same way?
There's no shortage of fake boobs in Southern California. Certainly no shortage of guys who want to date women with fake boobs. But those women—
They're so different than me. They wear heels and short dresses and curl their hair in beach waves. They just scream sex appeal.
Maybe I'm stereotyping. There are plenty of girls who trade up in a less noticeable way.
But still…
I'm a fertile woman with breasts now.
In a year, I'm going to be a hormonal mess (a hysterectomy does that) with fake tits.
Footsteps move closer. A cup clinks on the dresser. Chase taps the wall like he's knocking. "What are you doing?"
"Thinking."
"About?"
I motion to my chest. "They'll be gone soon."
He nods. "How soon?"
Does it turn him off? Does he not want a woman who's all saline? Chase doesn't seem like that type. Fuck him if he's that type. But… "I still have to talk to my oncologist. To work out the timeline. But… I can't imagine they'll still be here next year."
He nods with understanding.
"Do you think…" My gaze shifts to my reflection. I pull the robe tighter, so I can see the reflection of my figure. "They're bigger now."
His eyes go to the mirror. "Yeah."
"They'll get bigger as I get further along."
"They always do."
"I might be able to nurse for a few months. I… I don't know."
"Plenty of kids do fine on formula."
That's true. There's all this pressure to breastfeed now. Breast is best and all that bullshit.
"I know it's a loss. Fuck, Ariel, I can't imagine." He moves closer. "But it's not gonna hurt Charlotte."
My lips press together. "Maybe."
He wraps his arms around me. Holds my body against his.
For a moment, comfort overwhelms me. This is right. This is where I belong. This is everything.
