Page 237 of Accidental Husband

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"Yeah. It is." The kettle steams. He grabs it. Fills the French press with hot water. "You know that as well as I do."

That's a fair point.

"This is the first time you've given someone the chance to hurt you."

"Maybe." I'm usually game for this level of honesty. But the intimacy? No thanks. I don't need Chase digging into my head. I don't want anyone there except Jules.

But he's right.

I don't have a fucking clue how I'm fixing this. As much as I hate to admit it, I need his help.

"Hell yeah." He turns. Rests his ass against the counter. "It sucks. Like someone ripped your heart out of your chest."

"You felt like that with her?"

"For a long time."

"Did it stop?"

"No, but it got easier. I felt it a little less every day. Until one day, I barely felt it."

"Now?"

"Depends on the day." He turns back to the coffee. "You're not gonna distract me. I grew up with Wes."

"And Hunter."

"Yeah." His shoulders tense. "You can call me an unforgiving asshole. That won't distract me either."

"You know you're an unforgiving asshole."

"If I could get over it, I would."

"Can't you?" I rest my back against the cushion. It's too soft. It gives too much, supports too little. Is that better or worse than a cushion that's too firm, that gives too little?

Am I really looking for clarity in couch cushion metaphors?

Fuck, I am lost.

"There's a difference between forgiving someone and trusting them." Chase grabs two mugs. Fills them with equal amounts of coffee. "Milk, no sugar?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

He grabs the milk from the fridge. Fixes our coffees. Brings both to the couch. "You know something about that."

I take the coffee. "Thanks."

"You don't trust her."

That's ridiculous. "Of course I do."

"No. You don't." He doesn't explain or elaborate. He just lets the words drop.

Fuck, maybe he's right.

That's what it comes down to.

I don't trust her to tell me what she needs. I want to, I do, but I keep thinking about that day back in high school. I keep thinking about the scars on her wrist and the heartbreak on her face and the crack in her voice.

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