Page 192 of Accidental Husband
Not because she's a damaged freak.
Because she's out of her depth.
We both are.
I've always loved Jules as a friend. But this—I can't say those words yet. I can't think them. But I feel a lot more than like for her.
The woman I lo—
The woman I need—
Neither one of us knows how to fix this.
I try to push the thought away as I help her soap and shampoo. It stays in the back of my head. Even as I rinse her hair. Kiss her neck. Run my fingers over her chest.
Even as I pin her to the wall and bury myself inside her.
She is mine.
I need her to be mine.
But I need her to be okay more.
If those two things are in opposition—
Fuck, I really hope they aren't.
* * *
"Is this what married couples do?"Jules slides into the booth and pats the spot next to her.
"I would know?" I sit.
She smiles as her knee brushes mine. "And I would?"
"Yeah." I intertwine my fingers with hers. "Your parents are still married."
"My parents were never married." She unfolds her napkin. "But, yeah, my mom is still married to my stepdad."
"He's your dad."
"Yeah, but he's not… you know what I mean."
"You think you'd be better off if you knew your biological father?"
"I don't know. I used to. But I see your family—"
"And you realize you'd rather get away from that kind of fucked-up shit?"
Her smile is slight. "Maybe my mom was right. Maybe it's better I don't know. Even if… I guess knowing him wouldn't really help me learn Spanish."
I can't help but chuckle. She is terrible at Spanish. She tries so fucking hard, but she can't get it. It's rare to see Jules struggle at anything academic.
"Oh my God. You shouldn't mock my inability to connect with my heritage."
"We can take classes together."
"The four years in high school didn't help." She bites her lip. "Or, you know—"
