Page 143 of Hooking Up

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I want to tell him, to explain, but I can't.

Not now. Not here.

"You must think I'm an asshole, wanting to cut her out of my life," he says.

"No." I shake my head. "I understand." God, how I understand. "You can't help someone who won't help themselves."

He brushes a stray hair behind my ear.

The wind blows it in front of my eyes.

His laugh is more happy than sad. "I know there's nothing I can do." He pulls me closer. "But it fucking sucks watching her destroy herself."

"Do you really think you can cut her off?"

"I don't know. I haven't yet."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm used to it."

Tears well up in my eyes. He's hurting so much, and it's exactly the kind of pain I inflicted on everyone in my life.

I did this to Lily. To Mom and Dad. To a dozen other friends who dropped me long before Lily did.

I don't deserve his affection.

I don't deserve his trust.

I don't deserve another chance.

A tear catches on my lashes. Then another.

Walker rests his palm on my cheek. Catches a tear on his thumb. "Hey."

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Everything."

He stares back into my eyes.

But I can't see his. Mine are blurry.

I blink. Bring my hand to my cheek to wipe my tears. "I'm really, really sorry."

"Hey. It's okay." He wraps his arms around me.

I shake my head. It's not. It's really, really not.

"This all for me?"

"No." Yes. Maybe. It's confusing. "I… I like you."

"Like me?"

"A lot." I choke back a sob. "Like I want you to be my boyfriend."

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