Page 73 of The First Time
"No."
"Then what's it matter?"
He leans back into his seat and looks to the sky. He's quiet for a long time. When he speaks, his voice is soft. It's like he can barely get this out. "You know what I did the first time I found my mom's stash?"
"No, but I doubt it's going to convince me you're an asshole."
"We were at the mall, trying on jeans. I got out of the dressing room and she was different. It was like she wasn't there."
"How old were you?"
"Fifteen."
"That's young."
He stares back at me. "I got her home, cleaned her up, put her to bed. Then I went looking in her medicine cabinet. She had a fucking cornucopia. Oxy, Percocet, Xanax, Ativan. Any painkiller or anti-anxiety med. You name it, she had it."
"And?"
"I should have flushed her stash. Or called my dad. Or told the maid."
"You were a kid."
"I took one, to see what it was like. To see what she chose over being with me." He looks to the ground. "And I got it right away. I understood right away. I understood so well I could barely stay mad."
I move closer. I know he's trying to push me away, but it's not going to work. He's my friend and I can tell he's hurting right now.
I slide my arm around his waist and pull him into a hug. "I'm sorry about your mom."
His posture softens. He presses his palm between my shoulder blades. "You shouldn't hang out with me."
"I'm an adult. I'll do what I want."
He says nothing, but he does pull me closer.
"If you don't want to hang out with me, that's your call." It's a bluff, a horrible bluff. I'll be crushed if Kit pushes me away.
"Don't go to parties like that, Piper. I know you're a good kid but it happens fast."
"I won't." I rest my head against his chest. It feels good holding Kit, having him hold me, even if he's telling me I should run away.
I care about him in a way that goes far beyond friendship, far beyond any affection I've ever felt for anyone.
