Page 414 of The First Time
He's afraid of my feelings.
"Kat."
"I understand you don't believe in love. You don't think you're capable of it. Whatever it is, fine. If that's really how you feel, fine." I squeeze the fabric of his sweater. "But I can't be with you unless you love me. Unless you're madly in love with me."
He goes to touch my cheek but I stop him.
"Don't do that." I stare into his eyes, but it doesn't help me understand what we're doing here. "You don't have to answer now. You can think about it."
"Kat." His voice sinks.
Deep breath. "If you are in love with me, then I will go to Paris with you. I'll go anywhere with you. But it's all or nothing, Blake. I can't be with someone who doesn't love me."
I try to shift off the bench, but he holds me in place. He grabs onto my shoulders, somehow sweet and controlling all at once.
I try to move again, but he squeezes me harder.
"There's no negotiating this," I say.
"I care about you."
"And that's not enough." I push off his chest, but there's still no good. Fine. Might as well use this once. "Chess."
He releases me immediately.
I grab my purse from the bench. I take one more look at Blake, at those gorgeous, impossible to read eyes.
There's nothing I can say, nothing left to do now.
I move backwards. His eyes are still on me, but he doesn't object. He doesn't ask me to stay.
I swallow hard. "I'll see you around, I guess."
I turn and I run. I run until the park is a blur. Until I'm sitting on a subway heading back to Brooklyn.
