Page 389 of The First Time

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He runs his hand through my hair. "I don't have a choice."

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I know exactly what he means. Pulling yourself together is the only way to keep from falling apart.

"You do it, too." He runs his fingers over my cheek. "You're a strong person."

"Thank you."

"It does hurt me." His voice is steady. Even. "It's just I don't show it."

"You don't show anything. You're like a robot."

He laughs.

Oh, God, that laugh.

It cracks the wall around my heart.

It makes me warm all over.

And it convinces me this is going to be okay. One day. Somehow.

He steps backwards. "Sit down."

I do.

He pours me a glass of water. I drink it greedily. It feels like I've been thirsty for years.

Blake sits across from me. He leans closer, elbows on his knees, palm pressed against his cheek. He stares right into my eyes. "You're a very sweet girl."

"I'm twenty-one. I'm not a girl."

His lips curl into a half-smile. "Do you need some time?"

"Five minutes to pack."

He nods, reaches out, and brushes the stray hairs from my eyes.

He catches a tear on his thumb.

My legs go weak. Thank God I'm sitting. I'm spinning in too many different directions.

My body is desperate for his comfort.

But we're not together. Not even pretending to be together.

I can't ask that of him. No matter how badly I need it.

I press myself up and move into my room. It's a mess, but not out of line for a twenty-one-year-old.

I fold another pair of jeans, another t-shirt, another sweater. Extra socks and underwear. There. That's everything.

Worst-case scenario, well, best-case scenario, I can come back to pick up some extras. Hell, Blake probably has people for that.

There's a light knock on my door.

"Come in," I whisper.

He steps into the room.