Page 353 of The First Time

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I push myself to my feet. Wipe the stray tears from my eyes. "Okay."

I open the door and Lizzy steps inside. She's wearing a long pink dress. She looks great, grown up. My little sister is going to be my maid of honor.

Another sob rises in my throat. This time, I don't push it away. That's a lost cause.

I wipe my tears. I try to smile like I'm happy.

"Don't bullshit me," Lizzy says.

I drop the smile.

Lizzy shakes her head. "This guy is tearing you to pieces."

"That's not true."

She lowers her voice to a whisper. "Does he even care that this hurts you?"

I wipe away a tear. There's no sign Blake cares. But Lizzy is being shortsighted. "It's for a lot of money. I can stand being miserable for a while."

"Does he know how you feel about him?"

"I don't feel anything."

"Don't lie to me. Or yourself." She stares into my eyes. "You deserve better than this."

"I can't leave him."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to be with him."

Her eyes go wide. "Oh. Kat… I'm sorry."

"I… I have to do this. No matter how much it hurts."

"Why?"

"For his mom."

"It's sweet… stupid, but sweet." She reaches for the door. "Let's go home. Talk. Eat ice cream."

I shake my head. "I have to finish this." All of it.

"Just walk now, Kat. Don't put yourself through this."

"It's not that bad. It's just… This makes me think about Mom. About how much I miss her."

Lizzy tilts her head, assessing my words. "You swear?"

"I do."

"Okay. Let's go home anyway. I have a test."

"No. I want to stay."

"Will you be okay alone?"

"Yeah." Maybe.

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