Page 332 of The First Time
"She doesn't believe we're in love."
"She does. That's why she offered you this much. It's a test."
"That's fucked up."
"That's the Sterling family." He slides his palm around the back of my neck. Stares into my eyes. "I meant what I said. There's no shame in needing money. Most people wouldn't do as well as you have."
"Maybe."
Blake runs his fingertips over my cheek. "It must have been hard, holding everything together after your parents died."
I nod. It's still hard. It's still pent up inside me.
There's affection in his eyes.
Maybe we are friends.
Maybe that's enough. I don't need him being in love with me if he really does love me.
"How did it happen?" he asks.
"They were in a car accident."
"And that was it?"
"Yeah." I let my eyelids flutter together. "I was at a cross-country event when I got the news. I was thinking about the guy who asked me to Winter Formal. About my dress. About things that didn't matter at all."
Blake runs his fingers through my hair. I lean into his touch. I soak up every bit of it.
"You'd have liked the dress. It was black. Low-cut. It's still in my closet somewhere. I don't think I've ever worn it."
He pulls me closer. Until I can feel his heartbeat. It's steady. His breath is too.
I sink into his arms. It feels good. Safe. Reassuring. I haven't had any reassurance. For three years, I've been the one telling everyone elseit's going to be okay.
And now he's doing it.
I want that.
I want to collapse in Blake's arms.
I want him taking care of me.
"My coach came over." I swallow hard. "It was right before I was set to race. I was all high and mighty, wondering what could be so important. But there was this look on her face. Something was wrong.
"She took me to the tiny parking lot. She couldn't look at me. I couldn't look at her. I don't remember exactly what she said, just that I ran. I ran to the hospital even though it was miles away. I had no idea what had happened, if my family was alive or dead."
He holds me closer.
"I knew it was bad from the way the nurse looked at me. But it didn't feel real. It felt like I was watching the whole thing on TV. Mom and Dad were dead on arrival. Lizzy was in the ICU. I stayed with her for a while. I only went home to change and shower. I slept in the waiting room. It was only a few days, but it felt like weeks. I would have been completely alone. I wouldn't have had anyone."
A drop falls on my leg. Another. My hand is shaking. Gin and tonic is spilling over the sides of the glass.
Blake takes my hand and pries my fingers from the glass. He sets it on the floor then intertwines his hand with mine.
His eyes meet mine.
It's a look I've never seen before. Not on him.
