Page 318 of The First Time

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"Later."

Blake steps aside. "It's late."

"I want to sleep over." I bite my tongue. This is not locking him out. This is inviting him in. Demanding more.

I need to make a choice here.

I need to let myself fall in love with him.

Or I need to close him out.

The middle ground is going to kill me.

Blake stays turned away from me, but his voice softens. "Your clothes are in your room." He points to the room where we had sex.

"The sex room?"

"Yes. I have to get back to work."

"It's late."

"Even so." He moves towards the back of the apartment. His bedroom. "Help yourself to anything." He opens his office door.

"Blake?"

He turns back to me. His eyes meet mine. It's a quick moment, but I can feel everything in those baby blues.

The hurt of his past.

The fear of leaving his mom.

And something else. Something I can't explain.

Something I desperately need to understand. "Are we going on a honeymoon after the wedding?"

"Of course."

"Where?"

"It doesn't matter. We'll be spending it in the hotel." He opens his office door. "But you're welcome to pick."

"Oh."

"You don't want to spend a week coming?"

"No, I just. Forget it. I'm tired." I pull the robe tighter.

"Goodnight." He steps into his office. The lock clicks behind him.

I raid the fridge. The snack plate is no good. The smell of chocolate is mixing me up.

He doesn't even care about our honeymoon.

He's never going to love me.

I need to pull back.

But I'm not sure if I can.

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